


Acceleration

by Agentrogers17



Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Genre: Bridgerton Family Feels, Bridgertons Being Bridgertons, Colin Bridgerton Being an Idiot, Disappearance, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, Exile, F/M, Family Issues, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Lady Whistledown - Freeform, Oblivious Colin Bridgerton, courting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:41:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 41,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29374776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agentrogers17/pseuds/Agentrogers17
Summary: Colin Bridgerton was a free man, as is any young unmarried man is living with wealth. He had his family, siblings and his dear friend Penelope Featherington.But, what happens when one day back from his travels, Miss Featherington is nowhere to be found? And no one knows where she is or if she is alright? And what is this deep ache tearing his whole ribcage open, the desperation burning his lungs with every breath he takes?And where the hell is Penelope Featherington?
Relationships: Anthony Bridgerton & Penelope Featherington, Colin Bridgerton & Penelope Featherington, Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton & Penelope Featherington, Simon Basset & Daphne Bridgerton, Simon Basset/Daphne Bridgerton, Violet Bridgerton & Penelope Featherington
Comments: 228
Kudos: 517





	1. Prologue

It has been a couple of days since Colin returned from his travels to Mediterranian. Something was unusual; something wasn't fitting; something was wrong. His family, all siblings, his mother, they were doing great. The ton was alright, boring as always. More boring this time, though. And the whole reason for it was a chubby red-headed woman. Colin was used to being warmed under Penelope Featherington's smile. Colin was used to hearing her barb and wit. Colin was used to holding her by her rounded hip, cupping the soft flesh, though inappropriate, enjoying the softness under his palm. Colin was used to having Penelope by his side. Colin was used to Penelope and her gentle soul embracing his whole being. And it was the current problem. 

It has been a couple of months since last he saw her, of course, she would change, still young, still growing into the beautiful woman that was more visible day by day. Penelope Featherington rarely attended any balls now, of course, her family's current misfortune was an essential factor in it. But somehow, the same factor did nothing on the attendance of her mother and sisters' attendance. Another thing about Penelope was that she was always with Colin's sister, Eloise, which was also a change that happened when Colin was gone. Eloise was now sad and alone, Penelope nowhere in sight. 

Colin refrained from asking Eloise about her best friend, as the first time he asked she started sobbing, throwing herself into his chest. That earned a glare and a punch on the shoulder from Benedict. A couple of hours later, Colin was pulled inside Anthony's study and told by his brothers how youngest Miss Featherington was out of reach for months now. How no matter how hard Eloise or even Anthony and Benedict tried, they couldn't see Penelope. Even Violet tried but had no success. Portia Featherington acted as if nothing was wrong as if her youngest daughter disappeared. Well, she probably was able to see Penelope, as everyone suspected she was in their new house. Either she was refusing to get out or being kept in forcefully. Neither option seemed good to Colin, and he couldn't deny the tightness in his chest, the uncomfortable pull deep in his gut when he heard nobody has seen or heard from Penelope Featherington since a couple of weeks after his departure. 

"Mother," he called, knocking on the door of her office. Violet Bridgerton was reading when he entered.

"Oh, Colin," she said, smiling at her third child. Anxiety clear on his whole demeanour, "What is bothering you, darling?"

"Pen," he breathed, correcting himself in a couple of seconds, "Miss Featherington. I know no one has seen her. I haven't also. And I am worried. It is unusual, isn't it? One cannot just disappear. What if something has happened to her? What if she is in need of help?"

"My darling boy," she smiled sadly, patting his knee as he sat next to her, "Penelope is dear to all of us. Your sister is devastated, now that we do not know where she is or if she is alright. You must understand that we all tried. Eloise, your brothers, Duke and me. We all tried to reach her, to talk to Portia in every event and ball. But she refuses to talk about dear Penelope. I know your sister and Benedict think that she is still in the house. But, Anthony and I have been afraid that she was taken away from there, some time ago."

Colin could not control the worry blossoming down his ribcage. He needed to find Penelope. He needed to make sure she was okay. 

"Mother," he begged, "I have to find her. She is a dear friend, dearest friend. She did everything in her power to protect me from a wrong marriage with Marina. I am in debt to help her, even if I wasn't, what kind of a man am I if am not helping a dear friend who might be in trouble."

"Colin," Violet said, capturing his son's hands in her warm ones, "I will ask your brother and the Duke to organise a meeting to decide on how we can find Miss Penelope. But, I will have to ask you first, because if my fears are true, you will have to be ready, mostly emotionally."

"What bothers you, mother?" Violet ignored the question, too focused on her own.

"What are your feelings towards the youngest Miss Featherington?" the question took Colin's breath away. What were his feelings towards Penelope? What was the name of the seizing fire burning his heart and soul whenever he thought of Penelope and the lack of her in his life? What was the motivation of his own mind torturing him every night as the girl's soft features, doe eyes and plump curves entered his dreams whenever he closed his eyes? What was the name of the feeling that chocked him as he thought all the pain and loneliness he suspected the girl was going through? 

"Mother," he chocked.

"I am aware you are not yet ready to realise the place Penelope Featherington has in your heart fully. I am aware you need time and some growing up to understand who she is to you, in your life, in your destiny. No matter how much of a torture it would be on the poor lass, I was ready to grant you that. You are my child; therefore, my weakness. However, I am afraid that now we do not have that time. And poor girl's fate depends on your awareness of what is in your heart and mind. I hope my suspicions are wrong, and I hope I am being a pessimist and over-dramatising what is happening. I pray to be wrong. I pray to be mistaken. But, in case I am not, in case Penelope is going through what I believe she is, you need to be ready."

"Ready for what?"

"You do know, for what my darling. I will inform your brothers and make sure they are ready to have a discussion tonight."

And indeed Colin knew. Still not able to name it exactly but he knew the answers to many questions in his mind, a feeling about the answers. And he knew why, how and when he would need to be ready for. The knowledge, however, did not make it any easier to vocalise the need and accept it fully. 

***

Anthony could not stop the tapping of his foot, watching his siblings try to refuse his sister, Eloise, from entering their meeting. The Duke was filling both their glasses with brandy, his mother next to Colin, who looked lost. It was unusual seeing Colin, anything but confident and charming. His second younger sibling had always carried an air of freedom and easiness around him. The man standing in front of him, right now, was a different man. Worried, confused, in pain and lost. Although the unfortunate engagement almost two years ago, it always was clear, Colin had a soft spot for Miss Penelope Featherington. One simply does not make sure to simply pull a woman to dance at every event, and banter with her whenever a chance arose. Colin was an idiot, unaware of his own love and lust, unaware and perhaps scared. Penelope Featherington was not just a lady to court; she was a friend, a close friend. Although courting her with the intention of marriage would mean an enormous gain for his heart and soul, even a possibility of something going wrong meant even an immense loss for his heart, mind, soul and life. Anthony could only imagine the intensity of the meaning Penelope carried for Colin. He never experienced that, a friend so dear that he would be afraid to lose to his own heart. A woman so important, that not being in her presence, affected one worse than sickness. Anthony was a man of burning emotions, lust, rage, jealousy. Colin, on the other hand, was a man of deeper emotions; love, amity and care. He took a sip of his drink, tired of his brother's unawareness and pain. It was his fault; really, he could have been married to the red-headed lass for two years now, if he wouldn't force himself to court the girl's cousin in hopes of putting out the fire burning deep in his whole being for the girl. Anthony scuffed, earning a glare from Simon.

"Don't judge the poor boy," he said, leaning back in his chair, "It is not easy to let yourself fall in love."

"God knows where Miss Featherington was exiled, Basset. In any other case, I would agree with you. But you have seen what Eloise has been going through since the lass disappeared. God knows what she, herself, has been going through and where. You can't just tell me that his idiocy can be excused in these circumstances."

Simon hummed, lowering his voice, for only Anthony to hear him.

"Did you tell him about the rumours?"

"No, I am trying to avoid a scandal including Colin raid the Featherington house and start a killing spree."

"He needs to know Anthony," Simon warned, well aware of the consequences, but still. He would want to know. He would force people to let him know if Daphne was in similar circumstances. They did not know for sure, of course, the rumours, no matter how certain, tended to be dramatic and carried to excess. However, they usually carried a part of the truth, and it was worrying. He glanced at the third Bridgerton, the young man's usually cheery expression far gone, his forehead wrinkled from the concern, his lips a tight line as he spoke with his mother. Simon's mother in law was not in a much different state from her third-born. Miss Penelope Featherington was a dear unofficial member of the Bridgerton family, everyone including himself and his wife, expecting her to be a part of the family sooner or later, depending on the level of Colin's stupidity. 

"First we need to learn where she is, and if she is alright," Anthony insisted.

"What about Lady Featherington?"

"To the hell with her," Anthony scuffed, "she needs to be bloody arrested, not parading her other daughters around, as if the youngest was not exiled and God knows if she is okay or alive."

"You do not think..."

"I hope she is alive and in good health," he sighed, "but we both are aware, Basset, of the dangers awaiting a respectable young lady outside of the Ton, all alone."

"I know some people in the city, they have been searching for her for a couple of months now. I will bribe them some more, to hurry up."

"I don't think she is in London," Anthony said, he would know if she was. They searched all over London. A gentle chubby girl, with fiery curls, was not easy to miss. No matter how short or silent or a wall-flower she was, just the hair was enough for people to remember her. And no one in London claimed to have seen her. 

"Let's interrogate Portia Featherington, tomorrow," Simon said, danger gleaming in his coffee eyes. 

"Do not tell my mother," Anthony warned.

"Of course."

"And for the love of God, do not tell my sister." That made the Duke hesitate.

"Basset," Anthony warned, lifting a brow to his oldest friend.

"Of course," the Duke nodded, stealing a glance to his wife, not sure how much he could keep that promise. 


	2. The Search

Anthony Bridgerton was sitting in the Gentlemen's Club, Benedict next to him. Both waiting for the Duke and news on their hopefully sister-in-law-to-be. A scowl deep on the eldest Bridgerton's face, as his younger brother observed him. Basset and Bridgerton decided to keep their theories to themselves, not to cause any more concern in their shared family. No matter how calm and understanding he was, Colin would probably not handle their theories with his usual collectiveness. Eloise was a powder keg about to explode; therefore, even though they suspected Violet had similar concerns, they kept their theories to themselves. 

"Are you going to tell me what is going on, or should I keep watching you?" Benedict asked.

"We suspect Penelope is not in Featherington house, and not in the Ton or London at all."

"What do you mean?" Benedict asked he found weird that Penelope ceased to exist in a matter of weeks. But she still was a lady, no matter what her family went through, Penelope was still a respectable lady who had nothing to do outside the Ton. Men of the Ton rarely went out of the Ton, or to the city. 

"Basset and I have been long suspecting," Anthony sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "If Penelope was here, around, anywhere close, we would know. Someone would hear, someone would see. It has been almost a half year, Benedict, she must be somewhere else. Somewhere fall away from here or the city. If she is still around of course," he didn't dare to end the sentence. Youngest Miss Featherington not being able to be found and possibly being on her own somewhere was bad enough, but he couldn't just ignore the fact that she might not be alive at all. Would Portia, her mother, be this lively and happy if her youngest passed away? He couldn't say no, knowing Lady Featherington's attitude and discrimination of her youngest. 

"Anthony, you sure are not implying, that Miss Featherington is not alive," Benedict said in horror. Eloise would not be able to handle it. She already was destroyed not having her best friend around for months, how would she handle it for a lifetime? How did they not know if Penelope Featherington passed away? Did she have anyone around her then or now, that would keep her safe and alive if she still were of course. 

"I cannot take that possibility out. And I think we have to be prepared for the worst," he sighed, still finding a way to tell this to Colin, who was slowly losing his mind at the absence of the particular Featherington in his life. 

"It would destroy Eloise," Benedict noted.

"It would kill Colin," Anthony corrected, "Eloise will be destroyed, but she will heal in time. She will find someone who will help her heal, in time of course. But Penelope, no matter how unaware Colin still is, is his match. And I doubt he ever will be able to get over her and the idea of what he could have with her. I doubt he will ever find someone that will match the place she has in his heart."

"Do you think he knows? His feelings, I mean."

"I think he started to question it. I think he will realise soon, and I just hope it won't be too late and end up destroying his heart."

***

Colin was even more restless. Every second passing made him even more worried. He knew they talked about it. He knew they had a plan. But he just could not handle it anymore. Finding Penelope was the only thing in his mind when he marched to the Featherington house. Minutes later he was glaring at Portia Featherington who sat unusually happy and light. 

"Mr Bridgerton, how can I assist you?" she gave the young man a wide smile.

"It is about your daughter," he said.

"Oh! Prudence or Philippa?" she asked excitedly.

"Penelope," he said, his voice hard.

"Penelope?" she asked, almost offended, "Why would you be asking about Penelope?" she scoffed at the young man sitting in front of him, fists clenched in hope to handle his anger.

"Yes, your youngest. My sister's and my dear friend. Who has suddenly disappeared, and none of us is able to reach her. Where is Penelope, Lady Featherington?"

"Why would you need to know that Mr Bridgerton?" she dared to ask.

"Because she is dear to me, my family and I simply cannot play along with your cruelty and indifference towards the most wonderful young woman I got to know in my whole life."

"I am sorry Mr Bridgerton, but I simply do not think whereabouts of Penelope is anything of your concern," she scoffed at him, nose held high.

"Everything, Portia, everything about Penelope is and will always be my concern. And you will tell me at this moment where the hell Penelope is, and God help you if she is hurt and you did something to her. Because do trust me, I will end you and your bully of daughters if a hair in Penelope's hair was damaged," Colin did not even feel ashamed that he spoke ungentlemanly in front of a lady. 

"You would not dare," she said.

"I will. I will hurt you, that is a promise. So, do tell me, where is Penelope? And I might take pity on you."

"I do not know," she said, fear hidden behind a stoic mask of her indifference. She knew Colin Bridgerton and other Bridgertons since they were toddlers, and Colin was never the hot-headed or threatening one of the bunch. It mostly was Anthony, always angry, always brooding. However, the look in his eyes right now was terrifying. So full of rage, even Anthony Bridgerton could not match. 

"What do you mean you do not know? Penelope is your daughter, how cruel can you be?"

"She is no daughter of mine," she dared.

"What are you talking about?"

"She destroyed this family!"

"You and your lies, Marina's lies destroyed your family."

"You still have no idea, do you? She destroyed my family and me for you! The idiot of a girl she is, following you like a puppy all around. And she did it! Can you believe it!" she was in hysterics at this point, "she destroyed her own family for a man who didn't even look twice her way and never would."

"Penelope did no such thing! She tried to warn me I didn't listen to her."

"So she decided to tell the whole Ton!" Portia Featherington was shaking in anger at this point. 

"Penelope did no such thing! Lady Whistledown did it."

"Penelope is the Lady Whistledown!" Colin's whole body froze. 

"What are you talking about?" he whispered, sitting down. Penelope was Lady Whistledown. His Penelope was Lady Whistledown. Penelope risked everything for him, and he just ran away. 

"What did you do to her?" he asked. Portia was cruel; she did not care about Penelope, even on her best day. All she cared about was status and her other two daughters, and Penelope risked that. Portia did not answer. Head held high. As if she did something to be proud of. 

"What did you do to Penelope!" Colin shouted. 

"I kicked her out."

"Where? Where did you kick her out?"

"Out, out of my house, out of the Ton. She knows not to step a foot to the Ton if she knows what is good for her."

"Where did she go?"

"I don't know, and I don't care to know."

"Listen here, Portia. You will not tell anyone, not a soul that Penelope is Lady Whistledown. If I ever hear anyone implying she might be, you the scandal will be the best day of your life. I will end you. I will make sure you won't be able to live in this country. You or any of your daughters."

"How dare you?" she screeched.

"Where is Penelope!"

"I don't know. I kicked her out, and that is the last time I saw her."

"When?"

"First week of January." Over five months ago, in the middle of the winter.

"Out to the cold? What kind of a mother are you?"

"She deserves worse; she deserves death."

"You deserve death!" he towered over the older woman, "Where could she go? Where could she be?"

"She is not at Ton, that is all I know."

***

Colin's next stop was Anthony's office. He nearly tackled the door off. 

"What the hell?" Anthony said, as his brother barged inside the room.

"Portia kicked Penelope out. She kicked her out of the Ton. She exiled her."

"Why?" Anthony asked, uncomfortable now that his suspicions were real. But he still could not imagine why she would do that. Portia always disliked Penelope, as she was thicker than her sisters, shorter than her sisters. But she was a beautiful woman, maybe not in the classic standards of the Ton, but she was not ugly, she was unique and beautiful. Even if she were not, even if she were the ugliest woman to live, that did give no reason to Portia kick her own daughter out.

"I cannot tell you," Colin breathed out, "I have to find her Anthony. She kicked Pen out in January. It always has been half a year. She is alone out there; God knows where. What if something happened to her? What if she is hurt? What if she is...?" he could not finish the sentence. Even the idea of Penelope not being among living anymore was enough to want him to throw himself from somewhere high and join her on the other side. 

"What do you mean you cannot tell me? Colin, I want to find her as much as you do! You have to give me the details," Anthony insisted, "did she have a lover? Did she get involved with someone she wasn't supposed to?" If looks could kill, Anthony would die suffering from the glare Colin gave him the moment he proposed another man with his Penelope. 

"No," he gruffed, "The reason why she was kicked out is irrelevant to where she probably is right now."

"Colin."

"It is something I have to talk with her first. If I tell you, Simon and mother will also learn," he groaned.

"If it is something that is irrelevant to where she is, I will keep my silence. But Colin, you have to tell me."

"Penelope is Lady Whistledown," Colin breathed out, barely audible. 

"The hell?"

"She destroyed her family to stop me from being fooled by Marina. She had to sacrifice her name and status because I wasn't listening to her. She was kicked out because of me, Anthony," Colin hiccuped a sob, tears rolling down his face, "It is my fault. I should have listened to her. She tried to tell me over and over again. She wanted to tell me, and I ignored her. She had to risk everything just to save my life, my happiness. And what did I do? I ran away. I left her behind. Fully aware that she was struggling, she lost her father for God's sake, she lost most of her privileges and protection. And I left her behind. What kind of a man am I? What kind of a friend am I?"

Anthony had to hug his brother tight, just to stop him from punching something or himself. The young man was shaking in his arms as he sobbed regretting every moment she lived through the last two years. 

"It stays between us," Anthony promised, "No one will know she is Lady Whistledown unless she wants everyone to know. Did her mother know where she could be?"

"She is a wench," Colin scoffed, free from his brother's arms, dropping to sit on the armchair, too weak to stand, too tired, too worried, "she doesn't even care where she is or if she is alright. She banned Pen from the Ton, the London."

"Do you know if she has anyone she could go to?" 

"I know Eloise mentioned a couple of times that they were not really doing well with their relatives, except Marina's family. It is not easy to be friendly with Portia Featherington probably. And I doubt she would go to Marina, after everything that happened two years ago," Colin swallowed.

"I will write to her husband," Anthony said. 

"If she is..." Colin took a breath. He didn't want to. He refused to even think of Penelope hurt or dead. But he knew that it was possible, there was a risk, "If she is gone, can we even find her?"

"Let's not think about it right now," Anthony said, clapping his shoulder.

"I can't live if something happened to Pen, Anthony," And all Anthony could do was pray that nothing happened to the Featherington girl. He remembered the pain his mother went through when she lost her husband. And it was after tasting his love, and eight children. Colin didn't even have the chance to love Penelope as his heart desired, experience the love they could share. To love her and being loved by her. He looked at his brother, the shell of Colin, and prayed to prevent the agony his brother would go through if something happened to Penelope. 

***

Colin was drinking, leaning out of the balcony, watching the old Featherington house, wishing Penelope was still there, safe and somewhere he knew he would see her. Maybe waving from the stairs of their house, smiling with the warmest of smiled. It just felt cold know, the house, the street, the whole town. It felt freezing. His thoughts were interrupted with a knock on the door. 

"Colin," he heard Eloise's voice, his door opened slightly. 

"Couldn't sleep?" 

"I know you know something about Penelope," she said, her eyes puffy and face blotched.

"I wish I did El," Colin sighed, "I wish I did."

"Do you think she is okay?" she asked, standing next to me.

"I could give up my own life, just to know she is," Eloise watched her brother with a calculating gaze for a couple of seconds before speaking. 

"Do you love her?" she asked.

"El," Colin sighed. He knew he did not not love her. He just needed to see her, hold her, make sure she was okay. And be angry with her, scream at her if it was needed, ask her why. Make her realise he wasn't worth it. Make her realise none of the trouble she had to go through was worth him. 

"No, come on, Colin. You have to answer me now. Do you love Penelope Featherington? Are you in love with her?"

"I could die for her, El."

"But are you in love with her?"

"With everything that I am and could be, El. I love her. I burn for her. I have to find her."

***

It took almost two weeks for the Bridgertons to get a clue on the whereabouts of Penelope Featherington. Colin was slowly losing his mind, every passing day, every second where Penelope was somewhere he didn't know, alone, and God knows how she was. Eloise was in no better mood. 

One late morning, Simon entered the Bridgerton house with a rush and hurry. 

"In Bexhill!" he exclaimed, out of breath as he entered Anthony's office with force. "Penelope is in Bexhill. Just outside the Hastings."

"Where?" Colin said, already putting on his jacket.

"On a seas side cottage, they said it was an older one, two stories, stone made," Simon breathed out. Colin was out of the door before anyone else could even stand up. 

"Colin! Where are you going?"

"To bloody Bexhill!"

"Wait!" he said to his younger brother.

"I will go by horse," he said, already readying his horse. It was half a day journey.

"Wait for us!" Benedict shouted. 

"Come with carriage tomorrow! I will talk with her and help her pack. She is moving back here. We will kidnap her if needed," Colin said, already on his horse. Anthony huffed a breath out the moment his brother started riding at full speed.

"I will arrange one of the moving carriages," Simon said. Anthony looked at his best friend, already done with his brother. Both his brother and brother-in-law had shameless smiles on their faces that Anthony wanted to punch out. 

"I will inform mother that she needs to start preparing for the wedding," Benedict said, earning a chuckle from Simon. 

"I just want a Bridgerton wedding without a scandal, just one fucking wedding without a scandal."

"Marry without a scandal then, Bridgerton," Simon laughed.

"Fuck you."

***

It was nearly late evening when Colin reached Bexhill, asked around and it was nearly midnight when Colin found Penelope's cottage. His hands, his whole body, was shaking from excitement and anticipation. He knocked on the door forcefully, a barking answered his knocks. After a couple of minutes, he heard shuffling and soft footsteps. And seconds later, the door opened, revealing a sleepy-looking Penelope Featherington. She was in a much simpler dress he was used to seeing her in, none less beautiful, even more beautiful if he was being honest. Her azure eyes widened when she saw who was on the other side of the door.

"Colin?" she asked, even just hearing her voice after all this time, it felt like a blessing.

"You almost killed me Pen," he said, pulling the petite woman into his arms, kissing the top of her head over and over again. She still was shocked.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, voice shaky. He pushed her inside gently, following the man. A sweet Yorkshire terrier meeting him at the door. 

"Are you okay? Are you doing alright?" he asked, his hands inappropriately touching her arms up and down. Still trying to make sure she was real and she was there in front of her. The poor girl was still shocked, seeing the man she loved for so many years right in front of her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked once more, not angry, shocked, purely shocked, "How did you find me?"

"I have been looking everywhere for you, Pen," he said, helping her sit on one of the armchairs, kneeling in front of her, hugging her knees, resting his head on her lap. Now the redhead's hands were shaky but found their place on Colin's rich chestnut hair, "We all have been looking everywhere for you, darling. I was so scared, miserable, terrified without you. Not knowing where you were if you were okay if you were alive. It nearly killed me Pen. Everyone has missed you so much. The wench, your bloody mother, had no right. Do you hear me? She had no right to kick you out? Do the things he did to you? Not only kicking you out but everything she did to you, said to you all these years. You are the most wonderful, beautiful and magnificent woman that ever was born," he couldn't stop his rambling, now that Penelope was right in front of him. 

"Why are you here, Colin?" she asked. 

"To take you home," he said, looking up, "To take you back to London. To marry you. To make sure you are never alone or unsafe ever again," Penelope nearly chocked on her own spit. 

"Marry? Me?"

"If you'll have me," Colin said suddenly bashful.

"You don't want me, Colin. You don't even know why I am here," she said, a tiny tear rolling down her plump cheek. 

"I know everything Penelope, I know everything, I love everything about you. And I am so bloody sorry that it took me this long to realise. But I promise you, my darling, from now on, I will make everything in my power to make sure you know how loved you are, by me, by my family. How breathtaking you are how important you are."

"Colin, you don't know everything."

"I know everything I need to know."

"No," she said, "you don't."

"For God's sake Penelope," he said, rising his head, to meet her eyes to meet the girl's eyes, cupping her chubby cheeks to force her meet his gaze, "I know you are Lady Whistledown. I know your mother is a bitch. I know you risked everything just to save me because I was an idiot ignoring you, my dearest friend. I am so sorry Penelope, I am so sorry," Colin said, his eyes once more getting teary. All Penelope could do was staring at the man kneeling in front of her, even more shocked than previously. Wondering if she was slowly losing her mind out of loneliness. 


	3. Persuasion

Penelope was still in shock. Colin, the most brilliant most handsome man, was on his knees in front of her. The love of her life, her longest crush was right in front of her and saying the words she couldn't even dream of hearing from his lips. She felt faint at this point like she lost her mind or died and was put into heaven. Colin's hands, large and warm, were rubbing her skin. Inappropriately for the Ton, but they were far, far away from the Ton. She couldn't take her eyes off of the man, handsome as ever, kind as ever but tired. 

"How did you come here?" she asked, trying to dilute the intensity of the previous conversation. 

"On a horse," he smiled at her, though tired, the boyish smile gracing his features was as energetic as ever. 

"You rode from London on a horse?" Penelope was undoubtedly going mad. 

"It is a long story," he smiled, a blush creeping on his high cheeks.

"You must be hungry," she said, knowing well Colin's appetite. He nodded and stood on his feet, offering a hand to the plump woman in front of him. And followed her as a puppy, he is to the kitchen of the cottage. He watched in amazement as Penelope prepared some soup and warmed some bread for him, as he was sipping on his soup she worked on tea and found some cookies. 

"You live here alone?" he asked, he was glad Penelope was on her own with no man or lover around. He was worried that he was too late and lost her to another lover. But, she didn't have any maids with her, and as a lady of upper society, it was not okay. It would also be safer, for her, having another woman by her side. She looked the same, still Penelope. Still the most beautiful woman, still curvy to the point he felt so excited he could lose his mind, still soft as ever. 

"No," she said, making his smile drop, a heaviness settling down his gut, "Milo lives with me," she smiled calling the small pub, who ran excitedly towards her. The heaviness disappeared the moment Penelope leant down to lift the dog in her arms, as he gave her puppy kisses.

"What are you doing here, Penelope?" he asked, as she sat next to him.

"Not much really," she said, "Reading, writing, taking Milo to walks."

"Why haven't you contacted us? Me? Eloise? Mother?"

"Colin," she sighed, "If you know why I am here if my mother told you everything, you must know why I had to be here and out of the Ton and all of you."

"I don't care what that wench made you do or made you believe, darling," he said, reaching out for her hand, amazed at how well it felt in his, how small and delicate it was, "You belong there with me, with all of us. Why didn't you come to Eloise? To mother? To Anthony? I know I have been a prick and weren't there for you when you needed me the most, any of the times. But if you wrote to me, darling, I would pack my bags and return the moment it reached me. You must know Pen, you must know, you are and will always be my priority," Penelope gave him a tight smile. Colin, his words and his whole presence in her cottage felt like a dream. The old Penelope would swoon and faint right into his arms. However, a lot has changed, and the old Penelope was long gone. 

"I am content here, Col," she sighed, petting Milo's head.

"What about Eloise? Me?"

"You both are better without me, Colin. I am happy here, and you are happy back in London or around the globe."

"I almost lost my mind every second I was in London, and you weren't there," he breathed out.

"Colin," she sighed.

"Come back with me," he begged, gripping her pale hand tighter in his, "Come back with me, marry me, let me worship you for the rest of my life. Don't worry about your mother, sisters, anyone else in the Ton. I will protect you with my life if I need to. We don't even have to stay in London with the Ton. Pick anywhere you want to live, in Britain, anywhere around the world and I will go, and I will go and buy a house you will love, where we will build our lives on."

"Colin," she groaned.

"I love you, Penelope Featherington. I love you with everything I am and everything I could ever be. So tell me one reason why we cannot do this?"

"You also loved Marina," said Penelope, well aware it was a low blow, but a needed one.

"I was susceptible to Marina. I was a mere boy, Penelope," he sighed, "I never loved her, never was in love with her. I barely knew her, for God's sake. I knew you were my weakness, back then, always. I was scared of the feelings I felt whenever I saw you, I talked to you. And Marina was just a distraction I tried to use to run away from the intensity of everything I felt towards you. I never expected to fall in love, Penelope. Not that fast, that intense, that much at least. I know I am an idiot, Penelope, and I will spend the rest of my days begging for your mercy if you will let me."

"You can stay here tonight and rest," she said calmly, "but, you need to go back to London tomorrow. Your life is there, Colin; you should get back to it."

"And what about you?"

"I will stay here," she said, "I will stay here and keep on reading and writing."

"You are my life, Penelope," he whispered, "Wherever you are, where you will be, I will be there. I cannot live without you, Penelope. The last couple of weeks, months have been proof of that. My travels were one thing, I knew I could return to you, you would be there, and I would be next to you. But when I returned to the Ton and you were nowhere to be found, I almost lost my mind. I thought I would go mad, Penny, until Simon told us where you were this morning, I couldn't breathe. In fear, you were not alive anymore, in fear of you being hurt, alone, scared somewhere far away. Somewhere so far that I couldn't be there for you in time. I know I let you down so many times, for years now, but I am begging you to give me one last chance, and I will dedicate my whole being to you."

"I don't want you to dedicate your life to me, Colin," she said, rubbing Colin's knuckles with her fingertips, "You don't need my mercy, you are already forgiven. Whatever I did then, or now, it was only because I loved you as a friend and more. It wasn't to ask you something in return, to gain something from you. I knew you weren't interested in me. It would be best if you didn't feel like you have to be interested in me because I did something for you. You are in no debt. You do not owe me anything. You have a great life in front of you, full of travel and joy. You will meet a beautiful woman one day, when you feel ready for it, and make her and yourself very happy."

"She is right in front of me, and I am ready. Pen, I am ready to make you very happy for the rest of our days, and it would make me more than happy."

"You are tired," she sighed, pulling her hands away. Colin's fingers reached out to hers in reflex; he wanted to hold her a bit more. He wanted to hold her forever, "I will prepare a room for you." She said as she stood up and made to leave. Colin pushed a cookie into his mouth and followed the shorter girl.

"I simply cannot let you do that, no matter what you think of yourself, you still are a lady and no lady shall do any heavy work when a gentleman is present," he said. This earned an eye roll from the redhead. 

"Colin, I have been living by myself without a maid for five months now. I cook, clean, wash and do everything myself. And do tell me, what do you know of making a bed?" she said, with a teasing voice.

"I can manage," he claimed, irritated at the idea of Penelope working on the whole house alone, with no maid or him to help her. The moment he would manage to convince her to marry him, it would be the last time she would be tiring herself on anything that someone else could do for her. She was more of royalty than the queen in her eyes, and she would not even lift a finger for the rest of her life. 

"You are so stubborn, Colin," she chastised, "It is just a bed, why can't you let it go?"

"Why can't you?" he shot back.

"Because I have an idea of what I am doing, you are just acting childish."

"I don't want my future wife to do hard labour when I am perfectly capable of doing so myself," he said, taking the sheets and pillows from her hands. 

"I am not your future wife," she clarified, "And it certainly is not hard labour."

"I will make sure to change your opinion on both those topics," he winked at her, glad still being able to make her blush. Penelope instructed him as he made his bed. After bidding him a good night, she went to her room. Colin barely was able to sleep that night, content with the fact that Penelope was found and safe, she was barely a couple of rooms away. Penelope was found; the next step was to convince her to be his wife and return to London. Although Penelope looked okay, it was clear she was hurt. Deep in the azure of her eyes, the pain was there—the pain, fear and loneliness. Bloody Portia Featherington, pushing the best woman in this world, to make Penelope doubt herself, how loved she is. It would take some time, he knew, but he would manage no matter how long it took. Penelope was the love of his life, Penelope was destined to be Bridgerton, Penelope was born to be worshipped by him. 

***

In the morning Colin woke up strangely earlier than Penelope. No matter how much he wanted to, he did not go to watch her sleep. He could only imagine how angelic she would look deep in slumber, her copper hair a halo around her head, round cheeks probably smushed against her pillow, her full curves even rounder under the covers. He took a deep breath, trying to ground himself further away from thoughts that could make him bounce onto the girl he had spent already half a day unchaperoned with. Only his brothers and his brother-in-law were aware of the situation. He did not really care. If he were honest, he would love to marry her, elope with her the moment she would say yes. He made his way to the kitchen, filling Milo's water bowl. He did not know much about cooking, but he had some basic skills, travelling alone and being a glutton man. He found some eggs and butter, cooking some eggs he warmed some bread with butter. As he was brewing some tea, he heard Penelope's soft steps behind him. 

"Since when do you know how to cook?" she asked, hiding a yawn behind her little hand.

"So you can now how to do non-upper class things, but I am not allowed to?" he teased, earning once more roll of her doe eyes. 

"I just did not think you would know," she said, getting some teacups to bring him.

"You also did not think I was in love with you," he said, well aware of what he was doing. However, instead of the eye roll, he was expecting he was met with her calculating gaze, "You still don't believe me, do you?" he asked, cupping her hands in his. She was barely reaching his shoulders, and her height, her plumpness, her softness made his head spin, heart warm. 

"Colin, I," she couldn't find the words. She was torn apart, on the one hand, this was Colin, Colin Bridgerton, her first and last love. But on the other hand, it was so foreign, to be loved to be cared for. Even her own mother did not love her; even her own mother hated everything she was even before Lady Whistledown. Why would Colin love her? How could he love her, no one has ever loved her before. At this point, Penelope was sure something was wrong with her. She knew she was not the model of what people expected a woman to look like; she was short, she was fat, she was too soft all over. But she has seen women with her body being loved before. She also did not fit with the idea of what people expected a woman to enjoy in her free time. She would much better lose herself in books and writing rather than attending tea parties, of course, her being ridiculed for her dresses had an effect on that. 

"I love you, Pen," he whispered, in a voice softer than ever. Penelope heard this tone from him only a handful of times when they were much younger. When Hyacinth or Gregory fell or got hurt, and he was there to tend them, "I know I don't deserve your love, I know I could never deserve it, after all the pain and agony I caused you. But, if you'll let me if you have me, it would be my honour to love you until my last breath."

"Colin, you shouldn't," she sighed. She was hard to love; she knew that. And Colin Bridgerton was an easy-going man, and he was used to having everything without any effort to him. 

"I love you, Penelope," he whispered once more, resting his forehead on hers, the scent of her shampoo filling his lungs. He could stand like this, close to her, forever. He could lose himself in her presence, mix his atoms with hers and never exist as an individual ever again. He would be content. He would be happy to do so. 

"Colin, we can't," she whispered, tears gathering in the ocean of her eyes, "You can't love me, you shouldn't. One day, you will meet a woman, a beautiful a more fitting one, and you will forget about me. She will make you happy," Colin grimaced at the thought. The idea of having some other woman instead of Penelope in his arms. It didn't fill right. No one would feel the hollow between his arms better than Penelope, and no one would be warm enough, soft enough, Penelope enough. He didn't want some other woman. He wanted Penelope. 

"No woman, ever, could compete with you. No woman, ever, could make my heartbeat as you do. No woman, ever, could be you my Penelope," he whispered, pressing a long kiss on her temple, "It is either you or no one else. If I'm not with you, I won't be happy with you then it doesn't matter if I am with someone. You cannot imagine the fire you burn in me, the warmth even a mere thought about you provides me. Ask anyone, my love, anyone, how mad I went every second that you were not there, that I had no idea where you were if you were okay."

"You deserve better," she sobbed. Colin brushed the tears off her cheeks with his thumbs, kissing the wet trails decorating her face. He did not dare to reach for her lips, yet. He did not dare to kiss her yet, afraid of tasting her only once and lamenting its loss for the rest of his life. He also did not want to scare her. He did not want to move too fast and corner her into closeness with him. 

"You deserve the moon and the stars," he smiled at her, "but all I can give you is myself."

"You worth more than the moon and all the stars," she smiled, face wet from tears. Those words that smile were all it took for Colin to lose his resolution. He cupped her jaw, looking right into her soul.

"May I?" he asked, motioning to her pink lips. She nodded, and he dived right into her lips. Taste sweeter than he could ever imagine, her soft breasts pressed right onto his lower lips, one of his arms wrapped tight around her thick waist, pulling her so close that the girl had no option but to stand on tips of her toes. Her arms wrapped around his neck, to boost her height, to meet his lips easier. Colin was so lost in her taste, that it took him a couple of minutes to realise that the shorter woman had a bit of issue reaching him. He was terribly tall compared to him. It made him chuckle; she was adorable and beautiful and gorgeous. And he had trouble deciding which of those fit her better. 

"You are so small," he laughed, pressing a kiss to her nose.

"I am huge," she scoffed.

"I am not talking about your curves, darling girl," he smiled, his hands cheekily caressing the dip of her waist, the meat of her hips, the rolls of her tummy, "You are short. So short, that it makes me want to carry you everywhere myself."

"You are too tall," she pouted, which gave Colin the opportunity to kiss it away. He was just about to dive into her lips once more when they heard the horse and carriage noises outside. And a couple of minutes later they heard the harsh knocks on the front door.

"Is that," Penelope hesitated, "Is that Anthony?" the oldest Bridgerton's aggressiveness was recognisable anywhere. Colin sighed and pecked her lips one last time before moving to greet his brothers. 

"Brace yourself," he said, opening the door.

"Thank God you are clothed!" Benedict exclaimed from behind Anthony. Anthony looked angry, Benedict happy, and Simon neutral. 

"Is Miss Featherington here?" Anthony asked, pushing his second younger out of his way to enter the cottage. Penelope was standing on the kitchen door, timid and a bit lost on what she was supposed to do, "Thank God you are in one piece," he said, moving to see the woman. Benedict and Simon followed them inside, Simon offering a kind smile while Benedict squeezed Colin's cheek, teasing his brother, "Found your girl, haven't you?"

He gave another chuckle when he noticed the blush creeping up Colin's neck and ears. 

"Lord Bridgerton, Duke Hastings, Mr Bridgerton," she greeted the newcomers. Benedict gave a loud chuckle moving to put an arm around his sister-in-law-to-be.

"Come on, Penny, no need for formalities, you are to be our sister soon," he said, squeezing her to himself. He could feel Colin's glare on him and his touch on his future wife. Though not close, and evident that at one point Colin would wake up and make her his sister-in-law, the girl's closeness to his favourite sister made him feel brotherly affection towards the girl a long time ago.

"Are you gentlemen hungry?" she asked, "We were just about to have breakfast."

"You don't have a maid?" Anthony asked scandalised.

"No," she smiled, "I thought of getting one in the beginning, but, with a calmer life and lesser events to be forced to, I started enjoying taking care of everything myself."

"You still are a lady, Penelope," Anthony scuffed, "This is unacceptable."

"Do forgive me Lord Bridgerton, but I am afraid you have no place to tell me what is acceptable or unacceptable for upper-society," she gave him a pointed look, making Anthony choke on his breath. That earned a rich laugh from Simon and Benedict, and a look of admiration from Colin. 

"What is your opinion on an elopement this evening, Pen?" Benedict offered, making Colin's heart beat faster at the idea of returning with Penelope as his wife to London.

***

It was half an hour later that all men were seated in Penelope's tiny dining room, Colin helping her with breakfast and others watching the couple shamelessly. After everyone was seated, and enjoying the food, Anthony couldn't hold himself any longer,

"How did you end up here, Penelope?" Anthony asked, in a much softer tone than anyone used to hear from him. 

"Oh," she blushed, "it is a bit of a long story."

"We have time," Simon encouraged the younger woman. 

"Anthony knows," Colin said, pressing a kiss to her knuckles, "Simon and Benedict can keep a secret."

"As you know," she said, looking at the men in front of her, "I am Lady Whistledown."


	4. Breaking

Before Simon could get shocked himself, he had to pat Benedict's back to say the man from chocking. Anthony couldn't help the smile on his face at his brother's trauma. 

"Excuse me?" Benedict said, eyes wider than ever, looking at the tiny woman in front of him, "What do you mean you are Lady Whistledown? Pen! Excuse my language, but what the hell?" Colin was beaming at Penelope, immensely proud of the woman beside him, his future wife. Her tiny hand still in his large palm. He couldn't take his eyes off the curvy woman, taking in all her beauty. He knew it was appropriate, he knew he shouldn't be thinking such thoughts of her in the company of his brothers, but she was too gorgeous not to do so. Her tits hung heavily on her chest, her tummy in rolls as she was sitting. He couldn't decide if he wanted to bury his face in her tits or tummy first, both sounded delicious in his mind. Both seemed softer than any pillow could ever be. His eyes followed the curve of her shoulder, her plump arm and to the hand in his palms. Five short fingers attached to a small soft palm. He caressed the back of her hand, enjoying how smooth the skin was how supple the flesh was there.

"It is true," she nodded, eyes focused on Benedict and Simon, as this information was new for them, and they needed it the most, "I am Lady Whistledown."

"That's brilliant, Miss Featherington," exclaimed Simon, unable to hide the excitement he felt on the news. Lady Whistledown was annoying because she knew everything, and they had no clue who or where she was, and how she did everything. And the kind, good-hearted Penelope Featherington being her justified every negative emotion he ever felt towards Whistledown. 

"You minx!" Benedict accused, earning a glare and kick from Colin, "You fooled us all! Even me! I thought we were friends! And fuck you, Colin!" he sassed at both of them, earning a hit on the back of his head. 

"It had to be this way, Benedict," she said, smiling, quite used to Benedict's dramatics. 

"So," Anthony said, taking a sip of his tea, "Now that we established that, do carry on Penelope."

"I," she hesitated for a moment, not sure where to start. Colin, noticing her hesitation, moved his chair closer to hers. He pressed his thigh to hers, moving his foot right under hers as she kept it on her toes. He knew it was a bit childish, and he was well aware, but he wanted to touch Penelope was much as he could. He wanted her to know that he was there, there for her, as a whole. He knew Anthony would make a face, but it didn't really stop him, and he placed an arm around the girl's torso, cupping her hip. Anthony did glare at his brother but decided to let it pass as the girl needed all the support she could have. "The short version is that my mother found out I was Lady Whistledown, and after everything that went down with Marina, she wasn't very forgiving. I doubt it would be different if it did not happen. You all know my mother has strong feelings on reputation, and Lady Whistledown had no ways of positively affecting our family name. Thus she asked me to move out, and disappear. So I did."

Colin's face was darker now, both angry at himself and Portia Featherington. Of course, it was Portia's fault; she was a cruel woman. But the volume of the reaction was because of him, and his idiocy. Him being a coward, not being brave enough to accept and embrace the love he felt for her. 

"What about here?" Simon wondered, "How did you end up here, in this cottage?" 

"I had some money from the papers, enough to provide myself, and my banker offered here. One of his customer's was selling it, and he managed a cheaper deal for me."

"How did your mother find out?" Anthony wondered, "No offence, of course, but she is not the brightest woman, except when it comes to forced marriages. And you are one of the sharpest women I have met, Penelope, how did she catch you?"

"It was related to marriages, to be honest," she sighed, Colin dropped a kiss on her head, to make her feel safe, "After what happened with our family, she was obsessed with marrying us off. My sisters had some gentlemen who were courting them, but I did not. And I constantly was writing and bringing my writings to my secret spot with the publisher. However, around late December, I got sick with a cold. And could not bring my writings in person. So I sent them with servants, but my mother noticed, and at first, she thought it was to a gentleman. And she was too curious about who would be writing to me, I guess, and she opened one of the letters. You can all imagine what happened after that," she looked down. Colin rubbed her back as Benedict looked at her with soft eyes. Anthony and Simon, being the emotionally awkward men they are, looked at the ceiling. 

"Why didn't you come to us, darling?" Benedict asked, reaching to her free hand and holding it in his palms. 

"I would hate to be a bother," she sighed, "And, I was actually quite happy to be leaving London and my home. The only hard part was leaving you all behind. You know my mother only from social gatherings and hate her; it shouldn't be hard to imagine how it is to live with her. 

"You could never be a bother, even with that idiot attached to you," Anthony motioned at Colin, "and certainly not without him. To be honest, without him is much more welcomed as he has a bottomless pit, he calls stomach. You can only imagine the impact of the grocery spendings on family finances." Penelope blushed at the honesty and teasing in elder Bridgerton's voice. 

"What are your plans now, Pen?" Benedict asked, squeezing her fingers softly, "What do you want to do now?"

"I am not sure," she said.

"Whatever you choose," Anthony said, knowing the signs of a doubting sibling far too well. He always was the responsible one, having to take care of himself alone, with no one to rely on as his siblings were his responsibility and his mother was still grieving his father. He could see himself in Penelope, with far more challenges as she was a woman in a sexist world. Although he struggled, he had his family love him and care for him if he ever stumbled. He was a man, privileged in society both with his name, gender and money. Penelope Featherington was a woman pushed into a life she never was prepared for. She grew up with money, maids and servants in high society. And now, she had been all alone, by herself, having to deal with labour, finances, housework she never was thought of. He could not feel the admiration he felt towards the young woman; he doubted any of his brothers or sisters would be able to do that by themselves. Since the beginning of their search and Colin's realisation of his feelings, he though marrying them off would solve all their problems, Penelope would be protected and saved. However, here, now, he could clearly see that Penelope needed neither protection nor saving. His brother, however, was a much different case. He needed the plump girl more than he needed air. He saw the Colin he knew to crumble day by day in her absence. And all Anthony could do was to pray for the girl to have mercy on his brother and his heart and accept his hand in marriage, "we will support you, Penelope," he promised. "I certainly can promise it for my whole family, and Basset is here to guarantee his support. I can only pray that you will choose to join our family, officially, as you have been a part of it for so long," his eyes met hers, in a smile, his simp of a brother in his peripherals, "But I would not really blame you if you would choose not to do so. You are a brilliant woman and look at him really, why would you need him?"

"Why are you here exactly?" Colin asked, glaring at his older brother.

"What could you offer her Colin?" Benedict continued Anthony's teasing, "Why would Pen ever marry you?"

"Let the boy sap in peace," Simon laughed, "But, Anthony is right Penelope whatever you choose, you will have our support. Never fear your mother or her reaction. She can do nothing to you. If you don't want to come back to London yet, Hastings is just near here; you can stay at any of our properties, most of them have a full staff. Stay for the rest of your life if you want to, both Daphne and I would love for you to stay, especially with help around you."

***

It was after the breakfast Colin pulled Penelope for a walk, unchaperoned, unacceptable in London, but nobody knew them here. Her arm was in his, his steps much shorter to match her pace. 

"What do you want to do, my love?" he asked, much free with his pet names, enjoying her blush more with every shade. 

"I cannot trap you in marriage," she said, "And I am content with my life in here. With Milo, my books, writing."

"Don't you want more? Don't you want to be loved, love someone?"

"I have learned that asking for more usually ended in hurting me, Colin. I have learned the hard way that loving usually ended in pain, and expecting to be loved usually ends in disappointment. My heart is too tired to jump into another adventure. It would be a lie if I told you did not hold a special place in my heart. It would be a lie if I said I didn't enjoy whatever it is between us. But, you deserve better Colin. If you need a friend, I will always be here. You can always write, you can always visit. But we should remain friends from now on. And you should return home."

"I can't Pen," he sighed, his heartbreaking with every word out her mouth, "I cannot return home if I already am at. You are my home, Penelope. Not London, not the Ton, not anywhere else in the world. Wherever you are is my home. I am begging you, Penelope, don't kick me out of my home."

"Colin," she stuttered. 

"I love you, Penelope," he said once more, "I know I deserve your distrust, your hesitation. After everything, you had to go through because of me. And Anthony is right; you are a brilliant woman, a goddess even. And you deserve so much more than me. But, if you'll have me, my heart, I promise, I swear on my life on everything I am, that I will make you happy. I will make sure you are loved, happy and safe," he pulled her hands into his, turning to face the redhead, "I know I don't seem like much of a husband. And for any other woman, I probably would be an awful one. You know why, darling? Because they are not you. They are not my dear, beautiful, smart Penelope. They don't have your barb and wit, and they don't know me as you do. And I for certain do not know and do not want to know any of them as I do you. Because, the more I will get to know any other or thousand other women as I do you, the only thing I would learn would be that they can't hold a candle to you. They could never fit your place in my heart; they could never make me smile; they could never make my whole soul burn when I see them. I could never blame you for not wanting me, you are a goddess, and I am just a man—a man, who is to dedicate his life to your happiness, your smile. If you do not want to be my wife, I could never blame you. I am at your mercy, my dear Penelope, accept me to be your husband, and I will be the luckiest man on this world. Even if you won't, I beg you to let me stay in your life, let me stay as your friend. No matter how much it would hurt, to be that close, but that far from you, it is better than the agony of your absence."

"Oh, Colin," she sobbed, brushing the tears pouring off his eyes, trying to keep hers at bay. She knew she was cruel, she knew Colin was the perfect man, the man of her dreams, but she was tired and spent from being hurt, "Please do forgive me, Colin. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. However, I cannot marry you. I simply cannot. I am jaded of being hurt. I am weary of disappointments. And I am afraid my heart cannot handle another heartbreak," and Colin did not even find the will to be angry at her, he knew he deserved it, he knew he deserved to be burned in fires of hell after what he made her go through all these years, "But if you are certain, my mother will not be an issue, and my identity will keep secret, I would love to return to London. I missed Eloise far too much to deny myself that opportunity." 

"Of course, darling," he nodded, a tiny bit of hope surviving deep inside his chest, "Just promise me, promise me I still will be your friend. Promise me you won't deny me the honour and happiness of being in your presence." 

"I could never, Colin," she smiled at him, trough her tears. Though a fire of guilt and agony burning deep inside his heart, Colin knew he should be thanking Gods and heavens. At least Penelope would be in London. At least he would be keeping her in his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not hate me. We all know the boy needs some suffering.


	5. NOT A CHAPTER BUT IMPORTANT.

As I got a couple of comments on that I felt like I should be adressing this issue. 

Penelope Featherington is a plus-size character, which means she is fat, chubby, plump, thick, whichever you prefer. None of these words are insults or derogations. None of these words are worse or better than skinny, slim, thin, etc. I know that in a society where all women are forced to accept beautiful only in some standards which are thin, small and delicate, it is unusual to read about a fat woman's body in detail. As the society teaches us to either get rid of those details or don't mention them and ignore them as the are "not something to be proud of". That is bullshit. Every person; man, woman, non-binary comes in different sizes and shapes. And every weight or body type has its own characteristics. Stretch marks, saggy breasts, belly rolls, back fat, cellulite are common in female body, especially in plus size female body.

I understand some readers' needs for me to hide them and not mentione them. But I won't. I won't because I am a fat woman and Penelope Featherinton is a fat woman and there is nothing bad, wromg, ugly or deragotory in the fact that we are fat, we have stretch marks or saggy parts. It is human. I can understand it might be weird to read some things that society forced you to be insecure of, find ugly or hate yourself for. But ignoring them won't make them go away. Highlighting them won't make them ugly, they are just body characteristics, it is normal and beautiful.

Reading all the fanfics growing up when they mentioned perky tits, flat stomach, tiny waist, size zero body made me feel as if something was wrong with me for years. It made me hate my body for years. And now, a chance of one in a million, we have a fat woman character that gives us chance to highlight our body features, normalise those body features and help girls who have those feel normal. Because all they read is about some model-like women with their perfection. Humans are rarely perfect. There is no issue in having the perfect body or wanting the perfecr body. But there is a lot of issues when we ignore and sweep under the carpet all the other body types.

I am sorry for anyone reading my descriptions and hating it, finding it offensive that Penelope has those because society forced this idea of unrealistic perfection in their minds. But I am not going to stop my descriptions or calling Penelope plump, chubby or heavy, because she is and it is normal and beautiful and gorgeous. I am not going to ignore and normalise her features because the classic idea of beauty does not find it beautiful. I do. I always will. And I hope it will help someone else to find it beautiful and normal, too. As from the beginning we are pushed to believe the opposite.

I am sorry for rambling but fat representation in writing is important to me, as it either is ignored or changed into more accepted versions of it. 

I hope that all of you will be able to accept yourself and your "imperfections" no matter if you are fat or slim or short or tall. Those standards are shit and I am tired of seeing the same faces/bodies on different people. I hope I could make myself clear and make you understand why those descriptions are important to me and for anyone to read. 


	6. The Way Back

Penelope was wearing a high-society dress and a corset first time in months. The redhead grimaced at the feeling, though not tight around her tummy due to the dress cut, the heavy push-up on her tits was not a feeling she missed. Anthony was not happy with the fact that Featherington girl refused his brother's marriage proposal, thank God no one knew where he went or where she was. At least they could avoid the scandal. He was fully aware that after everything Colin did he deserved worse than reaction, but he couldn't ignore the pity forming in his chest for his brother, who looked like a kicked puppy. His eyes even teared up every time they met the curvy girl. It was decided that Anthony, Colin and Simon would ride in one carriage, and Benedict with Penelope in the other. Both to avoid squeezing in one carriage and Colin's breakdown. They were to make a secret entrance to Bridgerton house late at night, Penelope was to stay under the ward of Violet Bridgerton and Colin in Anthony's bachelor lodgings. Colin did not like the idea of not being around Penelope, but it still was his mother's house, and even Queen's guards could not keep him away in day hours.

"Hating the corset already?" Benedict laughed, his legs stretch, feet resting on the seating next to Penelope. The said girl rolled her eyes at the taller man. He reminded her so much of Eloise. 

"You don't like restricting clothing with my shape," she said, pointing at her tummy with her chin.

"Does one like restricting clothing with any shape?" he challenged, a teasing smile on his lips. He was well aware of her insecurities and society's demands of women regarding how they look and how much they weight. But he was also well aware that the girl was beautiful, society was not very bright on many things. 

"It must be easier on some," she said.

"Or maybe you are too harsh on yourself?" 

"I wouldn't be the only one," she sighed eyes fixed on the rolling fields outside.

"Penelope," Benedict called, "why did you refuse Colin? We both know you love him; you always did. And he might be stupid, but, he loves you. Maybe he still needs to learn how to show his love, how to love you better. But, never doubt his love."

"He also loved Marina."

"He was attracted to her," he said, "He thought he was at least. He never claimed to love her. And, if you want my honest opinion, I think he was trying to escape from his love for you. He was not ready to fall that deep; no man is at that age if you'd ask me. I still am not ready and terrified to be in his place."

"It is not love," she said, eyes bright with tears, "it is guilt, pity. Even if it is love, I don't want it. It will dull in a couple of years, and he will be unhappy, I heartbroken. My own mother couldn't love me for more than five years, how long can your brother endure?"

"Forever?" Benedict tried to offer, first time realising the issue was far deeper than Colin. Penelope was broken and defeated. She did not want love. She did not want happiness. She forbade herself all those. Benedict could not help but feel guilty before Colin arrived, Eloise begged to find her best friend, begged all of them, and they did not really listen until Colin drove himself crazy to find the girl. He knew that all of them were responsible for the mental state she was in and also for Colin's current agony. He watched her for some time, imagining how it would feel to be alone all these months without anyone to talk to, anyone to cry to. Though they drew him mad from time to time, Benedict could not imagine a life without his family. And Penelope had no one, all alone on the other side of the country. 

"Don't be ridiculous, Benedict," she scoffed, "why would anyone do that?" at that moment he hoped she was doubting the idea of love in general, and not the fact that someone could love her. They needed to fix this, and they needed to help her trust people again, if not he was afraid for Colin's and Eloise's fate as this woman in front of her was far from the Penelope he knew. 

Things were not less tense in the other carriage; Colin was watching outside the carriage window. Anthony and Simon were having a silent conversation. 

"Colin," Simon called, not trusting Anthony with the delicate situation the young man was in currently, "Are you alright?"

"She doesn't want to marry me," he whispered. 

"I don't believe so," Simon said, sincerely.

"You heard her, Bassed," Colin sighed, "She doesn't want to marry me. She doesn't trust me. I wish she would not love me. I could win her heart. I could do everything in my power until she fell in love with me," he whispered, "but she doesn't trust me. Not anymore. And she is bloody right. I ran to the other side of the world. I tried to marry her fucking cousin. For what? To hurt her? To hurt me? To make sure we both would be unhappy for the rest of our lives? It is all my fault. I let her down so many times."

"Colin," Simon took a deep breath, Anthony was watching them both, Colin broken, Simon trying, "Penelope is in a vulnerable situation right now. You are not the only person who let her down; we all did. And we are all to blame for her hesitancy to trust you or anyone else." Simon knew too well the feeling of disappointment and self-doubt when someone you loved failed to love you back or let you down. He knew too well how hard it was to believe once again that you could love or be loved and not end in pain and misery. All the signs fit, the mask Penelope wore fit. The girl was broken and tired and blind to any action of love deaf to any declaration. Although he never really was close with the youngest Featherington, but he felt a special responsibility to talk with the girl, help her get rid of this dark, consuming feeling that ate one's soul, dreams and hopes. 

"I don't want anything if she isn't there, by my side," Colin said, eyes fixed on the ceiling, fighting to keep his tears at bay. The pain the fear of losing Penelope consuming his heart from inside out. He couldn't imagine a life without the gorgeous plump woman by his side, his small hands in his palms, her soft side pressed to him, pulling her into his arms, tucking her pretty head against his chest, inhaling the maddening scent of the woman. His mind kept going back to the moment her lips met his, how sweet she tasted, how warm her mouth was, how soft her lips were. Just one kiss and he was ready to give up all his life to get one more kiss from here, this time, wrapping an arm around her thick waist to puller her flush against his taller body, feeling how her tits and tummy flattened pressed to his front, not an atom of the distance between the two. He wanted to free her ruby curls from that updo; he wanted to enjoy the softness of her curls. Everything about Penelope was soft; her body, her lips, her hair, her smile. Everything about Penelope made Colin want to pull her into his arms, and wrap himself around her, to protect her every and anything. He wanted to separate her from everything, both not to share her with anyone else and to not let anything hurt her ever again. A tiny bit of his heart was holding onto the moment when it felt like she would say yes when it felt like he could amend all the pain he caused her by dedicating his every second to her smile. 

"She needs time, Colin," Simon sighed, "Let her breath, let her return to normal, let her rest. She has been alone for months. She needs some time to get used to having people in her life once again. She needs to realise that she is not alone, and nothing but time can do that."

***

Penelope was asleep, leaned into the wall of the carriage. Benedict's jacket was covering her round form. He refrained from waking the girl up as her mood was not the brightest and maybe sleep would help to get rid of the demons in her head. He looked at her once more, as he got out to meet his brothers and get some snacks and drinks for the rest of the journey. 

"Where is Miss Featherington?" Anthony asked, noticing how Colin's eyes were darting all over with worry. 

"Asleep," Benedict said, noticing the worry in his younger brother's face.

"There was a blanket in the red bag, I will cover her," he said, rushing to find the said blanket. 

"He really is in love, isn't he?" Benedict asked.

"Fervently, deeply," Anthony sighed. 

"What are we going to do?" Simon asked, watching Colin collecting the blanket and entering the other carriage. Even from afar, the shake of his hands was visible as he entered the carriage Penelope Featherington slept in. 

Colin watched how she was curled to the side, her head resting on the wall of the carriage, Benedict's jacket covering her torso. Her shorter legs were stretched in front of her. He watched her for some time, just sleeping the girl was a picture of beauty and peace. He took Benedict's jacket off of her top, tucked the blanket around her soft form. He kneeled down to untie the laces of her boots, freeing her meaty ankles. He pressed a soft kiss on her dress-covered knee. He removed his jacket folding it he placed it under her head, trying to ease the wall's discomfort against her pretty head. 

Colin knew he had to leave, return to his brother to the other carriage, but the whole picture of Penelope Featherington asleep, unguarded and beautiful was impossible to leave behind. So he sat, on the opposite side of the carriage, not taking his eyes for a second off her. Benedict entered the carriage the minutes later,

"Colin," he sighed.

"Please allow me to continue the journey here, Ben," he begged, "I can't leave her. Please."

"I will tell Anthony," he said. Anthony was not happy with the sitting plan's change, but he also knew Colin found peace in Penelope's presence. It took another couple of hours to reach the Bridgerton house. Hours full of Colin watching as Penelope slept and Benedict looked at his brother full of pity. When they arrived, and Penelope was still asleep, Colin moved to carry the girl. 

"Colin, no," Benedict said, "Wake her up."

"But she is asleep," he objected.

"Colin," Benedict sighed, rubbing his temples, "Eloise will jump onto her the moment we enter. And we need to avoid as many scandals as we can."

Colin sighed nodding. His hand found her round shoulder, shaking the girl gently, whispering her name. Her blue eyes fluttered open, meeting Colin's piercing gaze. He gave her a gentle smile, trying to keep all the emoting threatening to spill over inside. 

"We are at home," he said, kneeling back down to tie her boots. Penelope could not help but blush at the action, Colin Bridgerton down on his knees in front of her, helping her with her boots, her shoulder touching her knee, his head on her chest level. Benedict, at that moment, was realising how Colin's feelings were more serious than love. His brother was not just attracted or in love with her; he was protective of her, attentive. He feared what would happen if Penelope would not accept him as her husband for the rest of their lives. Never in his life has he seen a man this devoted to a woman. He knew Colin and Penelope previously shared some dances, chats and barbs in most of the social events. Even with everything that happened with Marina and how much of a fool Colin has been, Penelope was always there for him, and he always kept an eye on the curvy girl. Colin was always blissfully unaware. Unaware of Penelope's love for him, unaware of Marina and Portia's schemes about marrying the pregnant girl to him, unaware of the ways Marina tried to seduce him to accuse him of being the father. Colin was always blissfully unaware, and finally, it came to bit him in the ass. 

But now that everything came with full force as he became aware of everything including his own emotions towards the girl he was on his knees, for now, Colin was struggling to adapt to the idea that he was an idiot for years and he had to pay its price now. After Colin stood up from the floor, he helped Penelope to get rid of the blanket and put his jacket on her shorter frame. Though being plump, she easily fit in Colin's jacket as the man was gifted with broad shoulders and a strong chest. The only absurdity of the jacket on the girl was its length. Colin Bridgerton was a foot taller than Penelope, and the jacket that reached his mid-thighs dropped down to her ankles. Even Benedict could not deny how adorable the girl looked in his brother's clothing. And Benedict tried very hard to ignore the look of pride and possessiveness in Colin's eyes as the younger Bridgerton took in the girl's form in his jacket. Colin helped the girl from the carriage and offered her his arm. Penelope hesitated but took the arm walking with him. Anthony and Simon joined Benedict watching the couple walking to the house. 

"He is doomed," Benedict said, not being able to hold the smile in his voice, he knew Penelope would make him suffer, but it would be so much fun for the whole family especially for the older Bridgertons, Duke and Eloise. And Colin did deserve some torture before even looking at the redhead, after everything he put her through. 

***

It was late evening, early night rather. And Violet Bridgerton together with very insisting Eloise was waiting for other Bridgertons to return with Penelope Featherington. After a couple of times, Violet had giving up on warning Eloise to stop bouncing her leg or biting her nails. She knew how dear the Featherignton girl was for her daughter and how guilty her second oldest daughter felt about Penelope's absence and not being there for the shorter girl. She felt a pang of similar guilt if not a heavier one. Violet always considered Penelope as a daughter; she always could see the bond between the redhead and Colin. The friendship the protectiveness between the two was far from mere good fellowship. Though she acted not to notice, she knew Colin kept an eye on her in every event he attended. Whenever Cressida Cowper bothered the plump girl, Colin was there to pull her to the dancefloor. Whenever she looked sad in an evening, Colin was there to find his way next to her and engage her in a gossip. Even though Colin refused to listen, Penelope was there to warn him about Marina, going against her own mother to protect Violet's third oldest. Though she loved all her children with all his heard, she just wished sometimes his third was a tad bit brighter and faster in mind, so that Penelope could avoid all the hardships she probably had to face all these months and before in Portia's household. Violet sighed, thinking of all those months that the girl was alone, and none of them was there for her. She knew nothing she did could make up for the pain the girl spent without no one by her side. Violet prayed her sons would be successful in returning the girl. And without a scandal, as though Anthony did not say openly, she knew Colin departed far earlier than his brothers to find the girl. 

An hour later the heard the noises of carriages and horses and Eloise was up in seconds running to the back garden, Violet following closely. Minutes later they saw Penelope and Colin walking towards them, Colin's coat tightly wrapped around the shorter woman, Colin's hand was cupping the hand resting on his arm, trying to touch the girl as much as he could dancing between the lines of friendship and courtship. Violet thanked heavens as Penelope looked good and healthy, just like the Penelope he knew, the only difference was the fake look of calmness Penelope portrayed, only the storm in her eyes betraying it. 

The moment Eloise saw her best friend, she started running towards her jumping onto her, Colin barely cathing the curvaceous girl next to him as his sister decided that it was a logical decision jumping onto the petite woman. His large hand pressed hard onto her back, supporting the weight of his sister resting on the redhead. 

"Oh, Penelope!" his sister cried, hugging her close. Penelope patted Eloise's back. Colin could feel the nervousness radiating from Penelope. Nervousness and hurt. She was chagrined that her best friend did not even look for her all these months. 

"Hello, Eloise," she answered, with a neutral tone. Eloise looked shocked to hear such an emotionless greeting from her closest friend she was separated from for five months. 

"Pen, we have so much to talk about!"

"I don't think we do," she grimaced. Colin looked between Eloise and Penelope. Eloise had tears in her eyes, her hands shaking as her hands were grasping Penelope's forearms. While Penelope had a guarded look, guarded but hurt, as she avoided looking at Eloise or him. Colin was lost at that moment. Penelope and Eloise were always inseparable; nothing could come between the two. If Penelope was refusing Eloise, her closest companion, did he even stand a chance to win her back?


	7. Hope

Penelope was placed in Daphne's old room, right between Eloise's and Colin's rooms. Colin would much rather prefer Penelope to have his room, both as it would feel as if she was closer to him and it would mean to him. It would mean a lot. He wanted Penelope to have everything that belonged to him; he wanted to share everything he had with her. He didn't want to call things his anymore; he wanted them to be theirs, his and Penelope's. Penelope, however, was furthest from sharing anything more than greetings with him. Even a mere look from the redhead made his heart skip a beat. 

Eloise was in a similar situation, her best friend colder than ever. The girl she grew up with changed into a cold guarded woman. The smile that would brighten the room barely reaching her eyes now. She tried; she spent her whole day around Penelope. But Penelope would spend all her free time reading in a corner chair in the drawing-room. It was one of those days, Penelope living with Bridgertons for almost three weeks now. Eloise and Colin were sitting on two sides of Benedict, watching the round curved woman focused on the book in her hands. Her tea went cold long ago. 

"You both are pathetic," Benedict could not hold himself; both his siblings were pathetic. Benedict was on the luckier side because he and Penelope were not as deeply involved previously as his brother and sister were, she had no expectations from him, which allowed her to act friendlier towards him now. He could not disappoint her when she had no expectations of him. 

"What do you know about it," Eloise elbowed her favourite brother, doubting if he still was the favourite, especially after all the making fun of her pain of somehow losing her best friend. 

"She needs time," Benedict sighed, "trust me, Colin is suffering far further than you are."

"Shut up," Colin hissed. He was not ashamed of his pain; he knew he well deserved it. But none of his siblings, maybe except Penelope, had the right to be that smug about it. Eloise had similar pain. Colin, deep down, was angry at his sister, all his family, but especially Eloise, for ignoring Penelope's disappearance, for not being there for her, for leaving her alone. The fear of something happening to her was still very fresh, although the subject of his worries was sitting a couple of feet away from him. He looked at her once more, drinking in how her chin rounded as her head bent to read, how a loose curl escaped its holds and stood proudly red against her creamy skin, how delicious her tits looked as he leaned into the book. 

"You both are pathetic," Benedict said, slapping both his siblings' knees, standing up and moving to stand next to Penelope, disturbing her reading. 

"How can I help you, Mr Bridgerton?" she said, looking up at the older man much used to his ways. Benedict bent from the waist, offering her his hand. "Promenade with me, Miss Featherington?" She sighed, putting her book aside and taking his hand, letting him pull her to her feet. Benedict's next move was to turn to face two siblings he left behind, both looking at him with furrowed brows. Both jealous for different reasons. 

"Get up," Benedict ordered, after hooking Penelope's arm around his, cupping her hand resting on his bicep just to keep her in place and not let her escape. 

"What?" Eloise said, glaring at Benedict's smiling face.

"We will need chaperones, and you two have nothing to do currently unless you want Miss Featherington to be forced to be my wife. I wouldn't oppose, really," he smiled. Earning a growl from Colin, who stood up, pulling his sister up by her arm. Benedict, happy with himself, smiled at Penelope, who looked at him with a brow raised. He just smiled at her brighter, nudging her shoulder with his upper arm. He could hear Colin's teeth-gritting from behind. 

Benedict distracted Penelope for a long time, talking about art galleries and books, Colin and Eloise following behind, hating how Penelope talked easily with their older brother. Maybe not about many sincere topics, perhaps just small talk worthy issues, but she spoke with him, and it was more than she talked with both of them. A moments later, after they were in a much more secluded area with benches and no soul around, Benedict suddenly turned to his siblings, and with a swift movement, he pulled Eloise into his arms, pushing Penelope right in the middle of Colin's chest. Colin, though unexpected, caught the buxom girl in his arms, not even stumbling. His hands found her lover back as hers rested right below his chest. No matter how hurt she was by him, the feel of his strong torso against her softer one, the firmness of his chest under her fingers and the smell of his aftershave was enough to make her head spin, and blush was rising up her chest burning her ears. Colin's state was not that different; Penelope was as soft as he remembered, smelled even more alluring together with the perfume she put on now that she was in high society. His fingers ached just to squeeze her flesh, just to press her harder. A bend of his head and his lips would be on hers, just a bit reaching down, and he would be able to taste her. It haunted him, the kiss, her taste, everything about the kiss they shared almost a month ago. 

As the couple were lost in each other, Eloise turned to Benedict, "And what the hell are you doing?" she demanded, looking at his brother, who had a satisfied smirk in his eyes. 

"Making a move for Colin," he said, "Like it or not, Ellie, but Colin is madly in love with your Penelope. And is hopeless the moment he sees her turning from a fully grown man to a helpless puppy."

"I don't see you trying to amend our friendship," she accused.

"You two just need time and a bit of trust recovery," he sighed, rubbing his sister's back, "Colin has to make up for more many things. But he needs a little bit of push and a little more opportunities. Look at them," he motioned, to two who still were in each other's embrace, "They are in love, El. I haven't seen two this in love since mother and father. Just look at them. Penelope is too hurt. I can't blame her; we are to blame for her hurt. But her soul, her heart will heal one day. It will happen much sooner if Colin acts a bit smarter than usual."

"This is inappropriate," Eloise said, not caring about the society but her dear friend's reputation. If one thing Benedict was right about was that Colin is an idiot, and she would hate if Penelope would be hurt once more if he did not act better. 

"They are chaperoned; there is no one around," Benedict justified his plan.

"His hands are way too low," Eloise said, nodding towards Colin's hands that held onto the curve of girl's back, just above where her bottom started. 

"Trust me, he wants them way lower," Benedict snickered, "And the lady would not oppose."

"That is my closest friend you are talking about!" Eloise said, elbowing her brother hard. 

"If you want her to be your sister, you should encourage those activities and my talk on them."

***

Penelope was well aware she was fighting a losing battle. The moment she fell into Colin's arms, the moment his green eyes met hers, she was gone. She watched him suffer and light up at her smallest greeting for weeks. She knew it shouldn't be that easy; she knew he deserved worse. But she was in love, and no matter how hard she denied, a blind person could see he was in love with her too. Colin did not let her go after they managed to step out of each other's magnetic fields. He knew the proper thing to do was to offer her his arm, but she was so close after all these weeks, so he linked his fingers with his, holding her softer hand in his palm. Penelope was also well aware, she should pull her hand from his, but it was warm and large, and Colin was right beside her. 

His eyes were large with giddiness when he looked down to look at her, his smile permanent on the curve of his lip. He was holding Penelope. Benedict exclaimed that he wanted to rest a bit and pulled Eloise beside him, sitting rather large, not leaving any place to neither of them. Colin and Penelope sat on the other, a bit further placed, bench. His body fully turned to her, afraid to miss a second with her. 

"How have you been, love?" he asked softly, her hand still in his, drawing shapes into her palm with his thumb. 

"Better, how about you?" she asked, kindly. 

"I miss you," he whispered, "I miss you a lot. I miss talking to you, hearing your laugh, seeing your smile. I know this distance between us is entirely my fault. The way I hurt you, for years, in so many ways, I have no more significant regrets. I love you, Penny," he said, pulling her hand to his lips, dropping several more kisses on her knuckles, "I know you are not ready, and it is my fault. But I love you so much, darling. And I would hate myself if I will ever let you forget that. I love you, with everything I am, with everything I could be."

"Colin," she sighed.

"You don't have to say anything, Pen," he promised, her hand still close to his lips, his eyes never leaving hers.

"I can't," she whispered, "Colin, I..."

"Hush, dove," he said, cupping her jaw, hearing his sister's sharp intake a couple steps behind, "I am not asking you to marry me, not yet. It was rushed and tactless, and I should also apologise for that. You deserve so much more for a marriage proposal than being cornered without a ring or at least a dinner. Please understand me, dear Penelope, seeing you after months, when everyone else told me you disappeared. I feared so much, darling, I feared something happened to you, I was afraid the worst would happen, and I wouldn't be there. And seeing you, after so much worry and fear, in full health, beautiful as ever and so strong, I just wanted to make you mine and protect you with everything I am for the rest of our lives."

"Colin," she whispered, "I can't; you know I can't."

"But one day?" he asked hopefully.

"One day," she promised, a tear rolling down her rosy cheek; Colin caught it, brushing it off with his thumb. He smiled at her, leaning in to drop a lingering kiss to her forehead. 

"That is perfect for me, darling," he smiled, "As long as I am with you in the end, doesn't matter if it takes a week or a century. Pen," he whispered once more. She looked up.

"I know I promised to wait for you not even a second ago, but please allow me to court you with the intention to marry you. Our courtship can take weeks, months or years, whichever is more convenient for you. But I just want the chance to pamper you, buy you flowers, sweets, dresses, jewellery, whatever your heart desires, darling girl. It doesn't matter how long, me pampering you, me worshipping you will only increase after you are my wife. I just don't want any more time where I am not allowed to spoil you rotten."

"I cannot take advantage of you like that, Colin," she smiled sadly.

"It is not taking advantage of me, Penny love," he smiled, pulling her hands to his chest, pressing right above his heart, "Feel this darling? My heart beats for you; every breath I take is for you; I live and burn for you. Allow me to court you, darling, allow me to help you forgive my foolishness," and she said yes, because how could she say no when Colin was this close, this open and this soft. 

***

Colin wanted to punch his brother. Colin wanted to wipe that smug smirk off Benedict's face. Anthony was watching his brothers with amusement. 

"What is happening with you two?" he asked.

"Thanks to me," Benedict smiled, "This idiot is courting Penelope Featherington."

"You just took us to promenade after implying you would like to marry Penelope yourself," Colin scoffed, taking the brandy from Anthony's hands. Anthony could not stop his laugh at Benedict's tactics. His brother loved meddling when it was about their younger siblings if it would guarantee to annoy them. 

"You are courting Miss Featherington then?" Anthony asked.

"Yes," he nodded. 

"And what about marriage?" 

"She is not ready yet," Colin sighed, sitting. He did not regret promising Penelope to wait, even for a singular second, but he could not stop the yearning he felt to hold the girl either, "I promised to wait, however long she wants. I made her wait for quite some time, and after everything with Marina, I am at her mercy."

"Good to know," Anthony smirked, "at least it didn't take you long to realise you are an idiot. Has she even thought of talking with Portia Featherington? I heard that the Featheringtons are returning next week from the countryside."

"No," Colin said.

"She mentioned it a couple of times to me," Benedict said. 

"What are your exact intentions with Penelope, brother?" Colin hissed.

"To help her make you suffer, of course," Benedict laughed.

"And about Lady Whistledown?"

"There are still a couple of weeks before the season really starts," Benedict said.

"It is her choice," Colin said, well-aware of the danger she would be in if she was to be discovered, but he could protect her. He could risk everything to protect her, but if he ordered her around and made decisions for her, he would lose Penelope forever, and there was no remedy for that. 

"Colin, she would be ruined."

"I can protect her," Colin said, "We all can. If she were to be discovered, would you abandon her brother?" Colin challenged Anthony. 

"Of course not," Anthony huffed, "but hasn't the poor lass suffered enough?"

"Penelope doesn't care about society or what they think of her. She made that clear a couple of times. She was glad to be out of it," Benedict said. He envied her bravery and the fact that she made a life for herself outside the Ton.

"What about their children?" Anthony said the mere thought of having children with Penelope made his insides jump in excitement. 

"We can handle it," Colin said optimistically, "We are Bridgertons. She is to be my wife, and I will protect her with everything I have."

***

Colin started his mission the next morning. He would make Penelope Featherington feel so pampered even the Queen would be jealous. Penelope woke up early. She always did. He knew from Anthony and Hyachint that she always arrived as one of the earliest for breakfast; the elder sons lived separately to avoid any scandals, family breakfasts were still a thing. She would read some until everyone else came while sipping on some tea. Colin woke up even earlier to dress up and shave and arrived at the family house. He waited at the stairs until Penelope arrived and offered her his hand as she reached the last stairs. She rolled her eyes at him. Colin pressed a soft kiss on her knuckles and a tender one on her forehead as she stood closer now down the stairs. 

"Colin," she warned.

"You are too gorgeous for me to stay away," he smiled, "The last three weeks, my whole life, has been cold without you, darling."

"You can't be this romantic this early in the morning," she scolded, making her way to the dining room, Colin's hand still around hers. 

"I can be romantic for you every hour of the day, Penny," he smiled. He helped her into a chair, finding his place next to her. He knew she wanted to read some, her azure eyes finding her book over and over again. 

"You want to say something," she said, looking at him, "Just say it Col," it has been a while since he heard her call him by that name. A name only Penelope used. 

"Would you like to go to the park with me today?" he asked.

"For an afternoon stroll?" she asked, and Colin nodded, "I'd like to."


	8. Eloise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is a rather shorter chapter than what I was aiming for but I need to make sure to clear things our between Penelope and others, to move on to the more dramatic things.

Colin and Penelope's newly founded relationship allowed Eloise to get close to her best friend, as well. Though Penelope was not the old, sweet, warm Penelope yet, she was more open than the first day she returned. Colin was doting on the girl every minute of the day. Some days Violet had to kick her son out just to avoid any gossips. Days were bright for Colin Bridgerton; he was by Penelope's side. However, nights were colder than usual; he was not allowed to stay under the same roof with his darling. 

Eloise was watching as his third oldest sibling was looking at her best friend's face with big and excited eyes. He looked anxious but happy as the girl next to him was opening the package he gave with gentle movements. A corner of a book was visible, a rather old one; Penelope's eyebrows hit her forehead, her eyes found Colin's, his smile growing at the excitement on her face. 

"Colin," she gasped the moment she saw the full cover of the book hidden in the package. 

"It is the first edition," he smiled, proud of his finding. 

"How did you find it?" She said, hands gently gripping the book, turning to face him gently. Colin held her free hand in his, pulling it to his lips, pressing a long kiss on her wrist. Improper for the society, but they were in his family house, surrounded by part of the family in the drawing-room. 

"That shall be my secret," he grinned at her happily, "I wanted to find it faster. But it took a bit of time, darling," he continued, "I knew you wanted to read it in a while, and somehow we didn't have it around. It also reminded me," he cut himself before he could continue.

"Of what?" she asked gently. Colin hesitated. Penelope was not used to Colin being hesitant. Penelope was not used to Colin blushing because she asked a tiny question. She was not used to holding this much power over him; she could not deny she liked it. She liked being the one capturing Colin's eyes and mind. She liked being the one who he stuttered for, who made him so uncharacteristically shy at moments like these. But it also felt foreign. Penelope was never someone's priority. She rarely was considered as a dance partner and never as someone to court. She rarely felt as if she could compete with any other lady in or out of the Ton, but here she was. Her hand in Colin's, his eyes blind to anything but her, his cheeks warm from her praise. And for the first time in forever, Penelope felt like a beautiful, attractive woman who could make a gentleman drop to his knees with a look or a flutter of her lashes. 

"Don't laugh," he asked her, dropping his voice much lower, well aware both Eloise and Anthony were eavesdropping into their conversation. Thank heavens Benedict was away on an art exhibition, as he would definitely not keep his opinions on the discussion silent. 

"You know I would never, Col," she said, squeezing his hand that was linked with hers. 

"It is just an idea," he said, "An idea I had, and we could do if you were up to and were willing to. I just thought it might be interesting, you might like the idea," he took a deep breath, "I thought after we get married if you will have me and give me the honour of being your husband, maybe we could travel for some. I love travelling; I think you might love it too. And even if not, we could cut it short, just try it for our honeymoon," he went to explain further, but Penelope silenced him with a soft smile. 

"I would love to Colin," she smiled, "when we are married."  
  
***

It was later at night when Penelope heard the knocks on her door. She knew Colin had departed half an hour ago, but with how Colin was lately, she couldn't be sure. She pulled her robe around herself, covering her, barely dressed in her nightdress form from whoever was at the door. Her red curls, wild and free and well-brushed, prepared for bed. The door revealed Eloise, who was in a similar state. 

"Can we talk?" she asked, smiling at her best friend, a bit hesitant but full of hope. Penelope nodded, stepping back to let her in. Both girls found their place on the bed, facing each other. 

"How can I help you, Eloise?" Penelope asked, looking at the nervous girl in front of her, whom she knew for almost all her life, her wide blue eyes directed at her. 

"I wanted to talk," she said, playing with her fingers to fight the anxiety, which felt stupid as she never felt this nervous around Penelope all her life, "about us, about our friendship. I am worried Pen," she sighed, "I love that you and Colin are closer now, I always knew he had a soft spot for you and prayed one day he would be able to realise how much you mean to him. But, it feels like you and I are growing further apart every passing day. And I cannot imagine a life without you being my best friend, a life where you and I won't be talking, won't be close. I just wanted to ask, to be sure, if I still am as dear of a friend to you as you are to me?"

"Of course you are, Eloise," Penelope whispered; she was aware she was not fair. Keeping everyone in an arms distance, except for Colin, who was much closer than others but still rather far. However, she was scared; she was terrified of being hurt and abandoned once again. 

"Then why won't you talk to me like we used to, Pen?" Eloise begged, "I know the courtship with Colin is a rather exciting development, and with how pathetic my brother is acting, it is rather amusing to watch him. And I am entirely alright with the time you are spending with him. I know it might lead you becoming my sister, and I am overjoyed with the idea. But I am afraid of losing you. I am terrified of losing my bestest, dearest friend."

"You could never lose me," Penelope sighed, feeling the tears starting to gather in her eyes.

"I know you are angry at me, hurt," Eloise mumbled, reaching to hold her hands in her own, "And I cannot blame you. You have all the right in the world to blame me, all of us. If not for Colin, we might have waited for God knows how many more months to realise something was wrong, that you were miles away somewhere alone. And I wish I was as mad about to situation as Colin. I wish I did not make myself mix the reality with my hopes of you being alright and in your home with your family. I just pray you will find it in your heart to be able to forgive me."

"Eloise, stop," Penelope begged, a tear rolling down her round cheek, "I am not angry at you. There is nothing to forgive, as I forgave you months ago. You couldn't do anything if you tried. I am still in shock for all the lengths Colin went to find me. I never expected him or anyone else to do so."

"Of course he would," Eloise exclaimed, "You should have seen him, Pen. He went crazy; he went mad. The moment he learned you were not around, and no one has seen you in months; something changed in him. I have never seen my brother in such agony, worry. I know my words might not mean a lot to you now, but believe me, Pen, my brother loves you deeply, fervently, with his whole heart. And I believe that he would bring the whole sky down if you would ask him to," she smiled.

"Your words mean the world to me, El," Penelope said, squeezing her friend's fingers.

"Then why are you so cold towards me, Pen?"

"I am scared, Eloise," she sighed, "I was on my own for months. And I had no one. You know how much I love you, how much your whole family means to me, but it feels like if I will get attached like I used to once more if I am to be left on my own once more, it would destroy me."

"Never again," Eloise promised, "never again will I ever let you go, Pen. Never again will you be alone. If you do not believe my words, hint Colin, you would like to get married sometime soon, tomorrow, and he probably will throw you on a horse and race to Scotland to make you his wife."

Both girls giggled at the idea as it was very much a possibility. Both Colin and Penelope were enjoying their courting period, but everyone in the family was well aware that Colin already was referring to Penelope as his wife and would go as far as kidnapping a priest to make it a reality. And just like that, the tension between the two best friends was over, and Eloise felt like a weight was lifted off her chest as Penelope looked at her with a soft smile gracing her round cheeks. 

***

Colin was very excited for the season, the first time in his life. There were a couple of reasons for that. For the first time, Penelope was in full control of her wardrobe and with a little begging to her and his mother, he was allowed to join some of the trips to the modiste and secretly asked the woman to give him examples of every fabric that were used in Penelope's dresses. That allowed him to visit his own tailor and update his wardrobe with something matching for every dress Penelope Featherington owned. Though, because they radically started courting off-season, not many were aware of their courtships, and every ball and event they attended, he had a new opportunity to flaunt his future wife to every person in the Ton. The last reason was rather sinister. He knew Portia Featherington, and the remaining daughters of the Featherington family were to attend the season. He still needed to form a plan with Penelope and his brothers on how to approach the Lady Whistledown situation. But he could not wait to see Portia's reaction at seeing Penelope well, healthy and happy, also almost engaged to be wedded to Bridgerton family. The family she has been working on pushing her more favourite daughters in since the two were fourteen. 

His giddiness was not invisible to the rest of the family and Penelope. Currently, the whole family and soon to be family were enjoying some morning sun in the park. The younger ones were running around as Eloise was reading something. Violet was chaperoning Penelope and Colin as they were walking, following the footpath. Her son's style change did not go unnoticed by the Bridgerton matriarch. She smiled at how his jacket and cravat were complementing the green of Penelope's dress nicely in two different shades. 

"You two make a beautiful couple," she said, patting Penelope's arm, as she preferred to have Penelope in the middle, for her never to have to feel like an outsider ever in her life. 

"Mother," Colin blushed. He was proud of making a beautiful couple with his dear Penelope. He was proud of having her in his arm, in his heart, close to him. But his mother was still his mother, and some topics were a bit embarrassing talking with her. 

"You cannot deny that," she smiled knowingly. 

"I am not, I would never," Colin said, "And it is only natural for the pair to be beautiful when half of it is my lovely Pen," he smiled, making her cheeks even more rosy. 

"Thank you, Lady Bridgerton," Penelope said softly, trying to control the beat of her heart.

"It is Violet for you, darling," Violet softly scolded, "You are family, always were. Even if you were not marrying into it, your position could never change."

"Thank you," she smiled.

"Have you thought of a wedding date?" she asked gently, careful not to make her feel pressured, as she was aware of her personal hesitations. 

"We did not," Penelope sighed.

"We want to make our courting period a bit longer," Colin helped, "I have a lot to make up for and have to prove to be a worthy husband for my Miss Featherington," he added cheerfully. 

"That you do," Violet scolded her son, "You have been pretty blind and unaware, to a point I started doubting if the couple falls you had as a child had affected the sharpness of your mind," the last comment earned a laugh from the voluptuous girl walking between them, and Colin could not even find it in himself to be mad at that comment. 


	9. Revelation

Penelope was wearing a ruby gown, clenching right below her chest with a cheeky neckline that allowed a healthy amount of cleavage. The colour of the fabric shining bright against her milky skin, her hair in a complicated updo that her lady's maid worked for almost an hour. Colin was nervously waiting downstairs, tapping his foot, annoying the hell out of Anthony. His waistcoat was from a similar fabric and colour to Pen's dress. 

"You are aware that this," Anthony nodded towards Colin's attire, "speaks louder than a wedding invitation."

"That is the idea," Colin smiled, "wedding or not, Pen is my wife, in my heart and mind."

"Just refrain from any marital acts before the actual wedding, if not for her honour, for my mental wellbeing," he asked for. 

"I would never," Colin said, blushing. He wanted her, god, he desired her. All his dreams were full of her soft body under his, her round curves under his arms, her bouncy flesh between his palms. He knew how her skin tasted; he kissed her knuckles, palms and wrists every day. When they were alone, he dared to kiss her on the lips, holding onto her waist, pressing her front to his. He yearned for the time when he would be allowed to pull the buxom girl onto his lap and enjoy her all over. He promised to himself that when he became her husband, he was to spend at least a week between her legs, worshipping every inch of her skin. He wanted to hear her scream his name as he brought the deepest pleasures into her petite frame. Before he got lost in thoughts of revering Penelope, the sound of her heels walking down the stairs brought him back to reality. Although he knew which dress would Penelope be wearing, his breath hitched the moment he saw her. She looked like a siren, a vixen, an image from the most burning dream a man could ever have. Beautiful woman. In seconds, her arm was in his. And Colin was watching her in awe. 

"You look breathtaking," he whispered, "You look like a vision."

"Thank you, Colin," she said, blushing, "You look quite handsome yourself," she smiled, smoothing down his chest, fixing the small creases on his waistcoat. He wanted her hand to remain right there. He wanted her to touch him forever. 

"Am I allowed to steal all your dances tonight?" he asked cheekily.

"You were the only person ever interested in my dances in my life Colin," she said, giving him a soft smile. He knew she was used to that, and he hated it. He hated how she said it without any care or remorse. He hated how the whole society, including himself, made her feel this way. Like her, being not wanted was okay. He wished he could make her see how scalding was the fire inside him for her. He wished he could make her feel the want, the need, the dependency he felt for her, how there was not a second in a day that he was not thinking of her, dreaming of her. 

"I intend to be the only one having your dances, darling," he smiled at her, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead, "I am not a sharing man. I quite terrified for tonight," he admitted, "You have no idea how beautiful, alluring, gorgeous, you look right now. And God knows, I probably will have to fight several men tonight, just to keep you to myself."

"You will also have to fight me, brother dear," Benedict laughed, approaching the couple. He smoothly caught her gloved hand, pulling her off of Colin's arm, twirling the girl around.

"Why would that be?" Colin asked, trying to catch and pull Penelope back into his arm. But Benedict was smoother and caught the girl, right next to him, linking his arm with hers. 

"Because, little brother," he continued his teasing, "Miss Featherington promised me a couple of dances, as her future brother in law and favourite male Bridgerton."

"How on the earth are you Pen's favourite male Bridgerton?"

"Jealous, brother?" he asked, teasing and helping the redhead walk towards the carriage. 

"Where are you taking her?" Colin said, rushing after them. 

"Find El," Benedict called at him, "Accompany her to the carriage; we will be waiting."

"Why don't you go and find El?"

"Because I feel like talking to Pen," Benedict smiled sweetly at his brother. Colin rushed back in to find and drag Eloise. 

"You are doing this just to annoy him," Penelope accused, a smile playing on her lips, as he looked up to the man standing next to her.

"I am his brother," he smiled, "And he deserves some torture. We all do."

"Ben," she sighed. Benedict moved to hold her hands in his, squeezing her fingers gently.

"Be angry, Pen," he begged, "Hold a grudge. Cry if you need to. But don't hide everything inside. It will just hurt you more. Punish us, any of us, Pen. But don't punish yourself," he said, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head, careful not to mess her hair.

"I will stab you by the end of the night," they heard Colin's voice as Eloise moved to change places with Penelope. Allowing her presence to calm his idiotic brother. Colin's arm found its place around her thick waist. In the moment of bravery, his fingers rested on the corset covered belly of the girl. The more barriers between his touch and her soft flesh, the more he hated the idea of clothing and fashion. This was not the flesh he desired to touch once again, the soft, supple flesh under the thin fabric of Penelope's basic dress she wore at her cottage. He liked her like that. No unnecessary layers, just a half corset, to support her tits. Her waist barely covered. Those tits, God. Colin had to scold himself several times as his eyes drifted to her decollete. Though Penelope did not believe so, Colin knew he had to be extra patient tonight, as her curvy body in that dress put sin in every man's mind. 

"Are you ready, love?" Colin asked, pulling Penelope to the side, making sure they had some privacy. Daphne confirmed that other Featheringtons were to attend the ball. Every Bridgerton and Hastings were in attendance also to support Penelope and make sure Portia was not to do anything that could harm her. 

"I am," she nodded.

"Portia knows. She wouldn't dare to reveal your identity. It is entirely in your control, darling; whenever and however you want to reveal it, we will comply. Tonight," he said, squeezing her fingers, "tonight is about us. Tonight is about me flaunting my beautiful woman and fighting off men who will dare to look at you inappropriately."

"Don't be silly, Col; who will you even fight?" 

"Every man with eyes," he sighed, helping her into the carriage, where Benedict and Eloise were waiting for them. Anthony and Violet were following them with another carriage. Colin never let go of Penelope's fingers, pressing his side to hers. She smiled at him cheekily, making him blush as he got caught. 

Penelope was holding onto Colin's strong arm, her fingers pressed at the muscle resting right under her hand. Colin sneaked a kiss on her cheek right before they exited the carriage, well aware of the anxiety colouring Penelope's mind. 

"I am with you," he promised her before entering the ballroom, "Till the end, darling. Just say the word, and I will kidnap you. But, please, allow me to have at least one dance with you before that. I missed having you in my arms without being accused of risking your honour," he winked at her. 

"Thank you, Colin," she smiled, squeezing his arm gently. 

***

Penelope Featherington's entrance to the ballroom did draw attention, especially since she was introduced together with Colin Bridgerton, in matching colours and close proximity. All Bridgertons were around her. Thus it was impossible for Portia Featherington not to notice the presence of her exiled daughter. Colin's eyes were fast to find the mentioned woman; he sent her a glare of warning to remind the threats and promises that would happen to her if she would say a word about Penelope or her secret identity. 

Daphne and Simon were fast to welcome them. Simon greeted them both with a smile, a kinder one reserved for Penelope. He still had no chance to talk with the girl, to comfort her, assure her that she was loved and had a family. They were her family. She looked much better, more grounded since the last time he saw her. It sure had to do with his brother in law's constant care and attention on the girl. Even now, Colin did not tear his eyes away from the round-framed girl, who was talking with Daphne. As they heard the first notes of the waltz, Colin offered his hand to her with a smile wide on his face. It was a rather intimate one, and even some of the married couples hesitated joining. It was Colin's special request. Simon was well aware of how hard it was to have some private time with one's lover when Bridgertons were everywhere. And he also was well aware of how Colin wanted to announce his relationship with Penelope to everyone, especially the Featheringtons. Colin had a tight grip on the woman's waist, almost no distance between their bodies. Colin's eyes never left Penelope's; his whole attention was fully on her. Penelope had a small smile curling her lips upwards, the hand resting on the taller man's shoulder, holding onto him softly. It was further than just a dance stance for both. They were holding onto each other, enjoying each other's embraces. 

Simon laughed at Anthony's cursing under his breath next to him, "For God's sake, Basset; you couldn't choose any other waltz, could you?"

"It was your brother's special requests."

"Even you are not dancing to it!"

"My wife is too pregnant to allow us to dance to this," Simon replied innocently.

"And they," Anthony nodded towards the dance floor, "are too unmarried for this."

"Let the boy show his love."

"Him showing his love is about to create a scandal that I will have to deal with."

"We can handle it," Simon assured, "just let them enjoy this."

***

"Your mother is watching us," Colin whispered as he gave the flute of champagne to the ruby haired girl. She looked at him with panicked eyes, "and she is coming over here," Colin continued, putting an arm around her waist, resting her side against his.   
  
Portia wore an angry scowl on her face as she glared at her youngest daughter. Penelope could feel Colin's grip on her waist tighten. Every Bridgerton and Hastings moved closer to the trio. 

"How dare you to step your foot in this town again, you stupid girl," Portia hissed. Although Penelope was aware she was not alone, and not anymore the girl who was dependent on Portia, she could not help but bury herself closer into herself and Colin's body. Even though he hated the reason for it, Colin pulled the soft woman further into his side.

"I would highly advise you to watch your words directed to my future wife, Lady Featherington," Colin warned, voice colder than a block of ice. 

"Even you are not that stupid to marry someone like her, boy," Portia accused. Before Colin could go at the older woman, Violet and Simon stepped in.

"Portia," Violet greeted with no emotion.

"Lady Featherinton," Simon joined, careful to position himself between and shield Penelope from her mother's glare. 

"You have no idea who she is," Portia hissed. Though Violet did not know about Penelope's secret identity yet, she was not to ask at this moment. Simon gave Portia a sweet smile, with a threat prominent in his eyes.

"We have many ideas on who Miss Featherington is, better than you could ever have. And she has our full support, both Hastings' and Bridgertons'."

Portia was frozen, similar to Penelope. Penelope's fear was based on trauma and every abuse she had to face from the woman since she could remember. Meanwhile, for the first time in her life, Portia was realising that she might lose everything she has, which was her presence in the ton. She was well aware that her social stance was not very powerful, most did not enjoy her company, and there was no way she could stand against both Bridgerton and Hastings families.

"And you approve?" she was scandalised.

"More than we approve your behaviour towards her, and your behaviour in general," Anthony added, who just joined the small group. Colin now that others were dealing with Portia, turned to face Penelope. There were too many people for him to pull Penelope into his chest and let her hide from the rest of the world. He wanted to give her small kisses, tickling her with his breath, making her smile once more. Eloise and Benedict were watching from a few steps away, not to create even more commotion. Eloise's face was painted in a deep worry watching her best friend in such distress as his brother tried to give her some peace. She always knew Portia was not a great mother, but she was young, naive and sheltered. And had no idea how far could domestic abuse go. She still had very little idea, but watching Penelope hide into herself in search of protection and comfort made her hate her ignorance at that moment.

The party was over in a short time; everyone sent away using the excuse of Daphne's pregnancy. Bridgertons lingered; Violet was curious about what Portia was accusing. Colin, Simon and Anthony were well aware. All three pulled Penelope and Benedict to Simon's study. Colin rested a hand on Penelope's shoulder, pressing her to his body in a much intimate manner now that they were amongst family. He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead,

"Are you okay, darling girl?" he asked softly as Benedict fetched some water. 

"I froze," she said with a though voice.

"It is okay, darling," he promised, "she has been awful to you all your life. She tried to take your life away from you. Of course, you would be affected. But we were there; we always will be there, love."

"Penelope," Anthony called, "I know it is not the time, but we need to talk," he said. Penelope nodded; Colin helped her onto the sofa and sat next to her, linking their fingers. 

"I need to confess," Penelope said, well aware of what the eldest Bridgerton brother wanted to talk about. 

"Only if you are ready," Colin objected.

"It is better if we tell them," Anthony said, "They should hear it from you and not from your mother."

"I know," Penelope nodded. She wanted to come clear, but she could not ignore the fear gripping her heart at the thought of the rest of the Bridgertons' reaction. What would Eloise think of her? Would Lady Bridgerton be still as kind as she is after she learns who she truly is? 

Benedict found his place on Penelope's other side, rubbing her back, "They won't," he promised, "I mean, Anthony is the most uptight in this family, and he was understanding. You have nothing to worry about."

"It might shock them," Simon said, "but after the shock will pass, I trust nothing bad will happen." Penelope nodded softly.

***

All Bridgerton and Hastings women were in the drawing-room, Eloise, stressed both from the incident with Portia and Penelope's current absence. She was the first to jump onto her feet when he heard them return. She was quick to pull Penelope from his brother's arms, much to Colin's dismay, and pulled her to sit beside her, gripping onto her hand tightly. Colin choose to stand behind Penelope, slightly leaned into. 

"I need to tell you something, all of you," she said, mostly looking at Eloise and Violet, whose opinion mattered the most. She cared about Daphne, but they never had the chance to get close, as most of her time was reserved for Eloise. 

"Anything Pen," Eloise begged, squeezing her hands in hers. Colin was watching everyone's reactions closely, to act if he needed to. 

"I," she took a deep breath, leaning back instinctively to get closer to Colin. Colin, feeling her need, rested a heavy hand on her shoulder, his warmth seeping from his fingers down her skin, "I am Lady Whistledown."

Penelope could hear Eloise chocking on her breath at the revelation. 

"Oh my," Violet said, "that is why Portia did what she did." Penelope nodded; Eloise was still trying to gain her lung functions back as Daphne was still as a statue. 

"Come along, darling," Violet asked, pulling her after herself. Colin went to stop her, not wanting Penelope out of her sight. Eloise, at that moment, noticed how calm her brothers and brother-in-law looked at the revelation. 

"You!" she accused, as Violet and Penelope were out of the room, "You four! You all knew! You knew my best friend was Lady Whistledown, and you did not tell me! Bloody Anthony learned before I did!"

***

"I know it is unacceptable," Penelope whispered as Violet closed the door. They could still hear Eloise accusing the men in the room of not telling her and learning before she did, as she was entitled to be the first to know about the secret as she was the best friend.

Before Penelope could further blame herself and apologise, Violet pulled the girl into her arms, whispering a teary "Thank you" into her ear. 

"Huh?" Penelope was dumbfounded. Violet held her by her shoulders, pulling back enough to look at her. Tears were gathered in her eyes.

"Thank you, darling, for protecting my son, even though we were not there to protect you."

"You couldn't know," Penelope said, a tear rolling down her cheeks. Violet brushed her tears, her own gathering in her eyes. 

"I should have," she said, "I should have known. I have known you since your birth. My children are naive. They are sheltered. But I must have seen what they haven't. I had to do something about it. And I failed you, darling. I should have protected you. I knew how Portia was, how she is. And I knew how gentle you are, how kind you are. I should have protected you better. You are a daughter to me, always were. I knew you would become a daughter to me at some point. Colin, no matter how slow he might be to realise, has always loved you. You were so precious to him, even when he was too stupid to realise. In every ball, every event, everytime you visited, his eyes would not stop roaming the whole room until he found you. He would run to you whenever I would push him," the older woman smiled.

"To dance with me?"

"Oh darling, no," Violet laughed through her tears, "I only asked him to dance with you once because he never would dare. At the very beginning, when you were much younger, and he just was becoming a young man, you intimidated him. You are one of the first ladies he got to know outside his family, and the more he learned about the opposite sex, the more you intimidated him. You are unique, darling, smarter and brighter than any other lady in society. Bolder, more daring, although you showed it in a mild manner, you always had a heart of a lioness. His usual charm never worked on you. You wanted more. Any other lady would be content with a dance from him, but dance was too simple for you. You wanted him to listen to you, and he always did," she rubbed her shoulder, tucking a rebel curl behind her ear, "I asked him to dance with you once, on your first ball. After that, the only pressure I put him under was only to dance with an eligible lady, and he always ran to you. I know you think that my son danced with you out of pity or because you were a family friend, but it was further than that. You were the only lady in the whole ballroom that he felt comfortable with, the only one who he knew he would spend good time with and not just useless small talk."

"He choose me?" Penelope's breath hitched. 

"Always, above anyone else, darling."

"You are not angry with me?" Penelope asked. 

"Never," Violet promised, "Nothing you wrote was wrong. Nothing you wrote was harmful. You never had an ill-intent in your heart. Only with Marina, you hurt someone, but," she gave her an understanding smile, "you were protecting someone you loved. You were protecting your family. You always were a part of the Bridgerton family, love. Maybe a Featherington by blood and birth, but you were always a Bridgerton. And I can only thank you for protecting Colin's happiness and heart, even if it cost you your own."

***

It was later the same night after all questions were answered, and a talk was made. Penelope felt much lighter, especially after talking with Violet and later with Eloise. Simon asked her to drop by the next day to talk, and she promised a visit. Because it was a special and intense day, Colin was allowed to stay in the family house. After everyone went to sleep, Colin knocked on Penelope's bedroom door. A sleepy-looking Penelope opened the door in her nightgown and robe, wild curls free of their restrains now. 

"Colin," she whispered, not hesitating to let him in before anyone saw them. Colin himself didn't look much different from the girl in his nightwear. 

"I couldn't sleep," he confessed, watching her find her place in her bed, she patted the spot next to her, and Colin sat. Sitting on the bed where Penelope slept every night felt like he was doing something forbidden yet sacred. He just wanted to bury his head in her pillows, to inhale her scent, to feel her filling his lungs. 

"Is everything alright?" she asked in a soft tone. 

"Everything is perfect," he smiled, still in a daze of her right-before-sleep-look. 

"What is bothering you, Col?" she asked, reaching for his hand, holding his larger hand in hers. His fingers were warm and long, and his hand was twice the size of hers. 

"Nothing is bothering me, darling," he smiled, cupping her soft chin with his free hand, "I am happy. Happy that you are happy. Happy that everyone knows that I am yours and happy that I am privileged to be here, by your side, at this moment. I just missed you, the excitement of today; it felt wrong to feel this content while you were rooms away."

"Lay with me?" Penelope asked shyly, at which Colin blushed hard but nodded. He was eager to help Penelope out of her robe, enjoying how a thin white fabric barely covered her soft curves. He helped her under the covers and laid next to her. The bed was not the largest but allowed two people. Colin was quick to pull the plump woman into his chest, leaning in to capture her lips in his. Penelope felt bold, pushing his hands up Colin's chest, with so little layers between her palms and his skin, the warmth of his chest drew her even closer. 

"I love you, Penelope," he said between kisses, "I love you more than anything in this universe."

"I love you, too, Col," she whispered, as she felt herself drifting off to sleep in his arms, lulled by his breathing and warmth, "Just hold me a little longer."

"I will hold you forever."


	10. Recovering

Colin woke up warmer than usual; he tended to run quite hot. It was not a surprise at this point with how much he ate and how fast he burned; his metabolism obviously was working above average. This warmth was different, and it was focused on his front and under his arm. The source of the heat was soft and smelled divine. It took a couple of minutes for Colin to realise that the source was very much human, a woman. Soft, curvy and beautiful woman, his Penelope. He opened his eyes to meet long ruby curls spread all over the pillow and his side. The smell of her soap and shampoo was teasing his nostrils, making his heart jump. He could give everything he had to wake up with her every morning. His arm was wrapped around her torso, palm pressed onto her back, pulling her closer. Her head tucked under his chin, her nose gently touching the hollow of his throat. She was much shorter than him. He was used to her, barely reaching his shoulders when standing. But here, when she was pulled to his face level, her toes were pressed above his knees. It was both alluring to have her in his arms, and heart-warming as she was so tiny and soft. He pressed a soft kiss on the crown of her head. It was so peaceful, Penelope asleep in his arms, his whole world fit in his arms.

He shuffled back a little. Pen against his chest was an alluring thought, but he wanted to see her face. He knew she would look beautiful, Penelope on the worst day, looked like a painting, but he urged to see her sleeping face. It was an intimate moment, watching her sleep, her lips a tad bit open, lashes curled, reaching to her cheekbones. She was young, looked even younger than usual when she was away, lost in the dreamland. He brushed a curl, tucked it behind her ear gently. How could her hair be this soft against his skin. He was torn between pulling her back, tucking her against his chest, warm her, protect her, and keep watching her. It was hypnotising, really, her face, her beauty. He shuffled a bit closer, just enough to feel her tummy rest against his but still have her face in his vision. 

Just as he was closing his eyes to enjoy her presence a bit longer, the door opened. Penelope was still asleep, quite comfortable in Colin's arms. The door revealed a shocked Eloise as her eyes met her brothers'. 

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed loudly. 

"What is it?" Benedict, who was just ascending the stairs, heard his sister. He hesitated before reaching Penelope's room, but frozen Eloise by the door was enough to worry him and throw the rules away. The emergency, thankfully, was not much of an emergency. It was a frozen Colin in Penelope's bed, with still sleeping Penelope in his arms. 

"Oh," he said, quirking his eyebrows. He could see Colin was clothed, at least his upper half, but it was a low possibility for Colin to be dressed on top and naked on his lower half, so he was not much bothered by the situation. Though Penelope was tucked into his brother's side and covered with a blanket, he doubted the girl would be unclothed under it. He knew Colin lusted for the girl; he would be mad not to; the girl was beautiful and had a body of a goddess, even if not by society's unnecessary standards. But he also knew that Colin was the most innocent of the eldest three Bridgerton brothers. When Anthony and Benedict loved spending time with women and men in not so appropriate circumstances, Colin rarely engaged in such activities, almost never really. Benedict always suspected it was due to Colin being a romantic at heart and that heart belonging to the redhead from the very beginning. Except for the Marina incident, he knew Colin was never interested in any other woman. And in one of the drunken nights, he confessed that even though the girl offered several times, he never kissed the girl. He said it didn't feel right, though, at that time, Colin Bridgerton suspected it was due to the fear of ruining Marina; it probably was because Marina wasn't Penelope. 

"Anthony will have a stroke!" Benedict exclaimed happily, which woke the sleeping girl up. Unfortunately, it also summoned the eldest Bridgerton sibling. 

"What is happening?" was the sentence they but uttered, Penelope as she rubbed her eyes and Anthony as he climbed up the stairs. 

"Morning, love," Colin whispered, dropping a kiss on her temple. Still shocked but attentive as ever as his woman was just waking up to start the day. Penelope, just realising Colin's presence by her side, was quick to look up in shock. Colin gave her a soft smile, the whole house could burn right now, and the moment he took Penelope to safety, he would keep watching her. However, a few seconds later, with Anthony's loud steps approaching, Penelope also was made aware that the door was open and almost three Bridgertons were watching them. 

"Oh," her breath hitched.

"Of, for God's sake!" Anthony said.

"We," Penelope said, pulling the blankets even closer, "We didn't do anything. We just fell asleep," she stuttered. Anthony could not feel anything but sympathy for the stressed girl and anything but rage for his younger brother as he dared to endanger her name and honour. The girl already had too much she had to deal with. 

"Colin Bridgerton," Anthony ordered, "out."

Colin was cheeky enough to pull Penelope into a kiss before Anthony dared to step into the room and tear him away from his beloved. He squeezed her hip under the blanket and promised to see her at breakfast. Anthony was muttering some profanities under his breath, and as Colin passed him, he firmly hit him on the head. Pushing Benedict away too. 

"No one knows of this," he said, to all five, "Eloise, help Penelope to prepare for the day."

Eloise, still half shocked, entered the room, closing the door behind herself.

"I guess I never really realised us becoming sister would mean Colin being everywhere," she muttered. Penelope blushed even harder; she still could feel Colin's warm and solid frame pressed against her. His smell lingering on her pillows and sheets. She could have it for the rest of her life, and it felt surreal. 

***

Penelope was in a simple forest green day dress. Eloise was in her arm as they went to breakfast. Colin was already looking at the door, hearing their footsteps. Anthony was watching him with an angry glare. And Benedict had a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Pen!" he said, "what a beautiful morning, isn't it?" he said, lifting a brow at her. The girl's red cheeks were a contrast to the green of her dress. 

"Do I even want to learn?" Violet murmured more to herself than the others.

"Absolutely not," Anthony said, his glare shifting from the third oldest to second. Benedict, as often it was the case, was not bothered by his brother's glaring even the slightest, continuing to smile sweetly. 

***

After the awkward breakfast, Penelope was preparing for the visit to the Hastings, together with Violet, who also wanted to visit her pregnant daughter, excited about the new grandchild. Both as Simon was a decent man and her son, and though yet-to-be-official Penelope was almost a Bridgerton, she did not feel the need for having another child of hers chaperoning. Knowing Simon's own past with his father, she had an inkling about what the Duke wanted to talk about with youngest Featherington. Penelope, still under the effect of waking up beside Colin and getting caught, was anxious about meeting the Duke. She never really had much time spent with him; he was not a close friend of Colin. Therefore she rarely had the opportunity to be in the same circles as him. 

When they arrived, Daphne was still in the bed, tired from carrying a new life; Violet rushed to her, ordering a tea to be brought. Simon offered her to sit outside, as the weather was delightful, and he didn't want her to feel trapped. The topics they were to talk was heavy enough; the more fresh air, the better. 

"I wanted to talk with you, Miss Featherington," he said, looking at the nervous girl in front of him. It was unusual seeing her without Colin hovering around her. 

"Of course, my lord," she said. 

"Simon, please," he smiled at the younger girl. 

"Then, please call me Penelope," she smiled. 

"I wanted to talk to you about your mother," he said gently; he knew it was a sensitive issue, "Rather the effects of your mother, on you."

"Oh," she said.

"I might know you as long as the Bridgertons do," he said, "But I know the marks an abusive parent leaves on a child, as I carry my own from my father. I saw how you reacted to your mother yesterday, and I can only imagine all the things she did to you before."

"She never hit me," she said.

"Abuse is more in words than in hits, Penelope," he smiled, "one forgets a slap or a fist, but the marks of contempt and hate stays in mind forever."

"So how does one heal?" she asked.

"With love," Simon said kindly, "It was a foreign concept to me as well," he added, to her surprise, "But, the more I spent time with Bridgertons, the more familiar it became. The more I look, the more similarities I find between you and me. Not only in our family history but the relationship with Bridgertons. We both entered the family via our best friends. I believe Eloise, a much better friend, or to phrase it better, a less stoic and more human friend than Anthony is," they both chuckled at that, "But you are more fortunate," he smiled.

"In what way?" Penelope was curious. She never saw herself as a fortunate woman.

"Daphne and I didn't have the chance to know each other well before we got married. I am honoured to call her not only my wife but my best friend, but I wish we had time to know each other better and be friends for a longer time. In my experience, it is rare for love to survive if one cannot find their best friend in another. You and Colin have been friends always, and you are his dearest friend first and foremost. I have no doubt he cares for you deeply. We all see how in love with you he is. But I also know that you don't believe that yourself that much," he smiled. Penelope's eyes shot up to meet his darker ones. Simon had a knowing but a kind smile on his way. 

"My mother is to blame for that also?" she asked, a sad smile finding its place on her lips.

"Partly," he nodded, "I know you are not much comfortable in your skin. But as a former rake and your future brother, I can promise you that you are a beautiful woman, and that is not limited to your face," he said, making her blush at the compliment, it was a foreign situation for her, "Colin loves you and lusts for you, any man and woman with experience can see that every time his eyes find you. I know it is hard to believe that you can be loved that you deserve love after years of mistreatment, especially as that person is your parent, who is supposed to love you no matter what. But you deserved to be loved, Penelope. You are one of the kindest women I have ever met. You are a brilliant woman. And all of us, especially Colin and Eloise, love you very dearly. I know it is not an easy journey to change your thinking from disliking yourself to loving, but I went through it very recently, and as your brother and friend, I would only be happy to help you through it."

***

Colin was waiting by the stairs for his mother and Penelope to return; she promised him to visit the tea garden with him. As the whole family was to visit the area for a picnic, they were free of chaperoning. And after yesterday's ball, they were an engaged couple missing the ring only. 

"I thought you would never return, my love," he said, helping her and his mother out of the carriage; he pressed a gentle kiss on Penelope's knuckles, well aware Portia was probably watching from the window. 

"Young love," Violet muttered happily as he walked inside, making sure both followed her inside. 

***

Penelope was sitting on the chair as Colin was lounging on the floor by her legs. One of her ankles in his hand, her skirts were covering his hands. Penelope was deep in listening to Colin's story about the sea in Cyprus, curious where they could go after they were married. The weather was surprisingly sunny; Hyacinth and Gregory were running along as Anthony and Benedict were off to riding. Usually, Colin would be joining them but, resting next to Penelope's legs and listen to her talk with his sister was more alluring. They were right on the corner of the tent, a bit more hidden. It was nor much appropriate, but he couldn't resist the urge tor est his head on the side of her legs. Penelope, as a reflex, ran her fingers through his hair, scratching the scalp gently, and Colin was putty in her hands. 

"I hate how disgustingly adorable you two are," Eloise said, giving Penelope one more chocolate. 

"You are just jealous that you are not the sole focus of Penny's attention," Colin said, eyes still closed, Penelope's hands still in his hair. 

"You know that I will live with you when you are married," Eloise said, knowing well that it will annoy her brother to hell.

"You wish," Colin said, "We won't even be in the country for a while, will we Pen?"

"We might not be for a while," she said gently. 

"What does that mean?" Eloise asked. Colin and Penelope rarely talked about marriage within themselves, but it was nice to imagine the countries they would visit together when they were a married couple. 

"I still want to travel," Colin said. 

"Then go," Eloise hissed, "that is better for me, more Penelope for me."

"If you think I will leave her behind, you don't know me at all," Colin said, looking at his sister as if he grew a second hand.

"You can't take away my best friend! I thought you only meant your honeymoon," she said.

"El," Penelope said, reaching for her hand, "It won't be forever. I will always write to you."

"I can't believe this. First, you steal my best friend; then you abduct her," Elosie accused.

"Deal with it," Colin laughed, pressing a kiss to Penelope's meaty knee. 

"Pray God I am not allowed to marry her," Eloise said under her breath, "or you would have to duel me."


	11. Daylight

Everything was a bit brighter now for Penelope; Colin was amazing. He and the Bridgertons were enough to help her forget her pain from her past and the absence of her family by her side. She was back to being close with Eloise, with the only difference being Colin would mostly be by her side even at those times. However, Eloise managed to convince her brother; she threatened him mostly, to leave them alone a day every week. Though Colin would much rather have Penelope by his side in those days, he also was learning what it was like to miss someone who holds one's heart in their hands. He was discovering the feeling of longing, even if it was for a 24-hour time. 

He would spend those free days at the gentlemen's club. The only place where he could lose a sense of time, as it was only drinking and meaningless chatter. His brothers, Anthony and Simon, would also join him usually, which made his time there more bearable. He would play cards, drink, read some papers. Today was not much different; though Simon was off for some business, Anthony was present at the club. Anthony had a cigar while Colin was sipping on some brandy. 

"Can you really get more pathetic?" Anthony laughed. 

"I need to get rid of Eloise," he said.

"Funny, she was saying the same thing about you."

"She is flirting with my wife," Colin said, well aware of how dramatic he was being. 

"She is hanging out with her best friend of over a decade, and that best friend is your future wife if you are lucky."

"She has no boundaries!"

"As if you do!" Anthony accused, "You both are a part of a large family, have grown up in a household with eight children, and both are over 20. At some point, you two will have to learn how to share," he laughed, "You both are a little behind on that if I am being honest."

"I am not sharing my wife."

"You don't have a wife yet. And Eloise will duel you."

"I am not against sororicide. Do we really need Eloise? I mean, we have three additional sisters. I am totally okay with three sisters. And you will get a fourth one when Pen is a Bridgerton."

"Don't be absurd. Eloise will totally shoot you first."

***

Colin was holding onto a bouquet of flowers when he entered the drawing-room. To his surprise and annoyance, Benedict was also in the room with his fiance and sister. 

"Why is Benedict allowed to stay for Penoloise days?" he whined. Making his way to the subject of his desire. He sat right next to her in the tiny space left on the sofa from his sister and the curvy woman. Penelope gave a small "oh!" feeling her fiance's thigh pressing right against her. Colin was warm, human heather, and Penelope was enveloped in his warmth the minute he was close enough. 

"Because of this," Eloise scoffed, taking away her chocolate from Colin's reach and glaring at him, now that he was pressed against Penelope surely inappropriately. Her brother looked like a giant compared to the short structure of her best friend. Even though Penelope was a bit bigger than many girls, her bloody brother would surely hurt her at some point with how gigantic and careless he was. 

"Because of what?" Colin challenged, pressing a kiss to Penelope's temple, giving her the flowers, using the exchange as an excuse to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth as she held the flowers. Eloise being in the wrong angle, had to witness the exchange, and Benedict could only chuckle to the noise of disgust his sister gave out. 

"You always all over her. You don't even let her breath freely."

"As if you do!" Colin accused back. Penelope looked a bit lost that two Bridgertons were glaring death at each other from her two sides. Benedict winked at her from the other side of the room. Penelope, sadly, did not share his amusement at the situation. Colin, noticing her distress, put an arm around her, pressing his chest to her shoulder. Even though it brought a reaction from Eloise, Penelope could not do anything but bury herself a bit closer into his warmth. Colin was warm and big and safe. Colin was the home Penelope was yearning for, for years. 

"See!" Eloise said, "Even now. You are all over her."

"Let's ask Pen," Colin offered. Well aware, Penelope wouldn't deny the fact that she like being close to him. He just could hope; Penelope longed to be close to him as much as he longed to hold her, "Penelope, darling, the love of my life and my future wife," he said, holding her by her hands to turn her to face him, "Am I harassing you with my close proximity and constant care? Do you find it disturbing? Or shall I continue, as we both find comfort and love in our closeness?"

Penelope could control neither the blush spreading all over her face nor the way her heart skipped a beat as Colin was gazing at her with his piercing gaze and the small smile on his full lips. Penelope tried, really tried, not to let her eyes drop down to his lips. The lips she wanted on hers at this moment of time and the fact that Benedict and Eloise were right by their side did not really do much to her drifting thoughts. She couldn't even feel guilty or ashamed, the pull Colin had on her was insane, and she was ready to lose her mind. 

"I," she stuttered.

"Oh, come here, Penny," Eloise said, pulling her best friend right from her brother's paws, "she can't speak her mind when you trap her like that."

"He is not trapping me, El," Penelope said with a small voice, "He is right, I," she blushed even darker, "I find it comforting when we are together. Your brother is a kind man, and his attention is soothing."

"So you like him acting like a leech," she asked, horrified. 

"Hey," Colin said over Penelope's shoulder. 

"I do," Penelope giggled, "He is a nice leech."

"You will answer for that little Miss Featherington," Colin said, smiling at his fiance, loving her smile, loving her getting rid of the dark clouds surrounding her pretty little head. He was content when she curled back to her side, tucking her legs under herself, her round shoulder resting against his ribs, as his arm was stretched behind her. He enjoyed how she carried on with her discussion with Eloise while he just sat beside her, enjoying her whole being by his side. 

***

Penelope pulled Colin into one of the dark corners of the garden; the brunette was eager to be pulled after Penelope. When Penelope was sure they were alone and safe, she turned to face the taller man. Colin's hands were quick to capture the girl's thick waist, his fingertips digging into the soft meat of her back, thumbs pressing into her lower ribs. Colin cherished these moments, where there were only him and Penelope. Though in the comfort of his family house and family members, he did not really stay much appropriate in his affection towards the redhead, but still, their interactions were limited. And with Eloise's constant presence, he always had to share her attention. 

"What is in your brilliant mind, darling?" he asked, leaning in, resting his forehead against hers after pulling her up a step to minimize the distance between them. 

"I think," she took a deep breath, "I want to tell the people who I am. I want to come clean before we get serious, you and I. I don't want to risk my mother ruining it."

"First of all, my dear Pen," Colin smiled, trying hard to ease the excitement bubbling in his chest, "we are serious. We have been since the moment I laid my eyes on you. It might have taken me a while and a couple of mistakes to realize, but there is no other woman I can imagine myself with tomorrow, next year or in the following decades. 

"I love you, Col," she whispered shyly. Colin beamed at her, leaning in once again, this time pressing his lips to hers in a slow loveful kiss. 

"I love you, even more, Penelope," he smiled.

"What shall we do about my secret?" she asked, hands finding their place on his chest, fingers massaging the firm muscle joining his chest to his shoulder. No matter how many times she found herself in his arms, she could not stop marvelling at the strength of the man holding her. She had very limited physical interactions with men other than Colin Bridgerton. A couple of dances in the balls from a couple of gentlemen, mostly Bridgertons A and B and the Duke now that they were becoming friends, occasional hugs from Benedict and encouraging pats from Anthony. But none of them has ever extracted the aura of strength and protection like Colin did. Penelope was yet to see her lover unclothed, but even under his white shirts and sleep shirts, she could see the outline of beautifully sculpted arms and torso. The image of him without his waistcoat was enough to make Penelope blush like a tomato. And here he was, just in front of her, his hands on her body, his arms around her, his chest right under her fingers. She could not ignore the differences between them; while Colin was lean and sturdy, she was soft and short. While she was never fond of her own body, she could not deny the attractiveness the difference between them made her feel. 

"We can announce it tomorrow," Colin said as if he was telling her that they would have a cuppa tomorrow. 

"On Simon and Daphne's ball?" Penelope asked, panicked. 

"Hmm," Colin nodded, already distracted by Penelope's plump lips, looking even darker after being kissed, even more alluring, "Basset would love that. He seems to be way too fond of you," he teased, though Simon was a handsome man and always affectionate with Penelope, as he adopted her as his sister, Colin did not really feel jealous. Simon had boundaries, his pest of siblings Eloise and Benedict did not. They were more of a concern than the Duke. 

"I would hate to ruin their ball, with Daphne being so far along in her pregnancy," Penelope said.

"We can ask them tomorrow?" Colin smiled, "They will drop by for family breakfast. And they will most surely say yes. Now," he smiled, "what is my dear Penelope Featherington is to wear for her big announcement?" he asked, twirling her in his arms, making her giggle softly. 

"Whichever dress you think would be better for the occasion?" she asked.

"I am quite fond of your nightgown," he teased, noticing the blush spreading all over her neck and cheeks, "However, I will have to blind all men in the room if you were to attend in that tempting piece."

"Colin!" she scolded. 

"You are too beautiful, my Penelope, too gorgeous, too tempting, a goddess," he whispered, pressing a kiss from her jaw to her collarbones in every word. 

"What will I do with you?" she asked, quite serious at this point. Colin was too charming for his own good, and together with his affections and handsome face, she was doomed. However, she could not do anything but love her demise. 

"I have a couple of ideas," he said cheekily, "but, why don't you start with marrying me?" he asked, suddenly on his knees in front of her, a beautiful emerald ring, matching his eyes and her favourite colour in his hands. 

"Yes," she sobbed, dropping into his arms, sobbing into his chest, a weight off her whole soul now that the answer did not come with fear and doubt, now that Colin was right there to catch her and never let her go ever again. 


	12. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently once more people are mad at my Penelope descriptions, because I don't just highlight her "beautiful" parts but also the ones that we were thought to be ashamed of and hate. Good! Any punch at society's idiotic standards on female body is a win for me and all the people who are "unfortunately" do not that standard.
> 
> Just like Penelope I am fat, chubby, plump, overweight, round, whatever you guys name it. And if I cannot hide my weight or belly or my whole fat bodyin my daily life why should I ignore or thinwash Penelope's? Why is any woman is forced to live with and hate her body in real life, while in fiction we are forced to hide, ignore and make it more "appropriate"? I would rather make people reading my descriptions uncomfortable, if they will lead to make someone feel more in peace with their body.
> 
> You can hate me, you can hate my fics, or "what I am making out of Penelope". But please remember not everyone has body parts that are "proper" and lovely to read about. And making those invisible hurts real people, creating millions of problems like insecurity, body dysmorphia, depression, anorexia and other eating disorders.
> 
> I hope everyone finds comfort in their skin. And I hope you won't let the society's idiotic standards that are designed to hurt everyone decide your worth or beauty.
> 
> I love all of you very much, no matter if you have the "plus size" model's body or a plus size person's body, or if you are in a healthy weight. Just don't forget that all bodies are gorgeous even if the ones that stay in shadows.
> 
> (Btw, I will update soon, but I have an angsty/fluffy longish one shot idea which is a bit takimg to much from me while writing, so it is a bit slow going. But I will update soon!)

Per Colin's request, begging and a bribe of thousand kisses, Penelope was dressed in her Bridgerton blue gown for Daphne and Simon's ball. Her hair pinned on top of her head—an elegant necklace resting between her collarbones. She took a deep breath, looking at her reflection. It was not a good day for her self image in her mind. The anxiety of what was about to happen, making the girl in the mirror even more awful in her eyes. Penelope was so deep in her head that she did not notice the door opening and her soon-to-be-husband finding his way to her. His hands found her round hips under the flowy fabric of the dress. He pressed his chest pressed against her upper back, resting his head on hers, careful not to put too much pressure and mess with her ruby curls.

"What is in your mind, gorgeous?" he asked, eyeing her through the mirror, enjoying how flawless she looked in his colours. She really was born to be a Bridgerton. 

"Nothing," she lied. Colin knew although he could not understand how or why that Penelope's head sometimes became a very dark place where she did not cherish herself as much as he did. Penelope was perfect. Smart, unique, beautiful and kind. Colin could not compare her to any other woman, as all of them were mere mundane mortals when she was a goddess in the form of a short round-curved redhead. But he was learning. He was learning to understand her struggle, walk her through it, make her feel better. He was starting to realise that it was far serious of an issue and would not merely go away if he denies her claims with his words only. He squeezed her meaty hips.

"Come on, Penelope," he begged, "I did not meet you this morning. You have been in the centre of my life and heart for far too long for me not to recognise when something is bothering you."

"It is always the same thing," she sighed, "you must be tired of the same problem."

"What seems to be the problem, love?" he asked softly.

"I am."

"I believe your English is weakening, wife," he said. 

"I believe yours is, fiance," she challenged back, "Your English or your sense of time. As we are yet to be married."

"You are my wife, with or without church noting it down," he scuffed, "I don't need anyone's approval to know that I love you and will dedicate the rest of my days to your happiness and comfort. Now," He said, leaning down to press a kiss to her naked collarbone, "What is making you think that you could ever be a problem when you are everything opposite of a problem."

"I am fat," she whispered.

"You are," Colin nodded, "And I am tall. So, what is the problem?"

"You know it is not the same thing. I am repulsive."

"Why is not the same thing? Both are physical characteristics of a person, aren't they?" he asked, "And, dear Penelope, I am afraid your English is really getting weaker, my love. As I can define you in many words, billions of them and repulsive would not be one. Could it be that you are confused about the meaning of the word?"

"How would you define this then?" she asked, pointing to the general direction of her torso. 

"Usually? Soft, inviting, gorgeous, and begging to be kissed and bit," he smiled, running his hands softly around her corset-squeezed torso. The dress did not require much support around her stomach area, but the fabric was still thicker than a usual one, and even tulle was too thick when it was between his hands and her skin. 

"And now?" she asked, scared and curious.

"Now?" he smiled at her, catching her gaze through the mirror, "Too covered for me to do any kissing or biting, unfortunately."

***  
  
Penelope entered the room in Colin's arm right after Violet and Benedict. Anthony was half-dragging a whiny Eloise, making it his mission that she would behave tonight. Penelope's hands shook slightly, an issue Colin solved by dropping kisses on her knuckles every one in a while. He could feel his mother's eyes on him and his fiance, as they were far more physical than many unmarried couples in the Ton. However, he also was aware that Violet would not say a word, both too happy that her son found his soulmate and afraid to hurt Penelope in any way. Though it could lead to gossip, the girl deserved every ounce of love she could get. 

"Are you ready, my love?" he asked, glancing at her as they made to find Simon and Daphne. Penelope nodded, unsure, "I will be right by your side at every second," he promised, "All of us will be. But I don't really care much about others when you are this close," he teased cheekily. She nodded, trying yo control her breathing. Colin kissed her hand as they made their way to Anthony and Simon. Both men welcomed them with a smile of encouragement. And a few minutes later, they stood in the middle of the steps, Colin's hand tight around Penelope's. Simon and Anthony stayed close by to show support of both Bridgertons and Hastings. 

Colin, knowing Penelope was not rather comfortable, made sure everyone had their attention. He wore a proud smile on his face, his fiance right by his side. 

"Ladies and gentlemen," Colin beamed, "as you might have noticed, I have been the happiest man alive in these past weeks as my darling Penelope has allowed me to court and spoil her. And yesterday, though it seems impossible, she managed to make me even happier and overjoyed by accepting my marriage proposal and agreed to become my wife. Therefore, it is my honour to announce that my darling Miss Penelope Featherington is soon to become Mrs Penelope Bridgerton," he smiled, not able to tear his eyes away from her face. There was a round of applause. Colin could not help but notice how everyone accept the rest of the Featheringtons, and Cressida was applauding. Though society did not notice the beauty and mind of Penelope, no one could deny the fact that Colin was to marry her soon, as, in the last couple of weeks, the third oldest Bridgerton brother did not dance with anyone but the redhead. And he spent more time twirling with her in his arms than it was appropriate for a couple that was not married or was close to getting married. 

"However," Colin continued, "that is not the only thing that we wanted to share with you. My beautiful fiance is not only a gorgeous woman but also a genius one. And I could not love anyone more, as my dear Pen owns my heart, soul and mind. And it is my honour to introduce you the love of my life, Lady Whistledown," Colin said, pulling Penelope to himself and pressing a scandalous kiss to the corner of her mouth. Though he doubted, the kiss was more shocking than the news, and it was an opportunity to steal a kiss from her. 

The whole room was frozen in silence until Lady Danbury, followed by Bridgertons and Hastings, began to clap. Everyone but Portia joined, some willingly, some not to show their defeat. Portia, however, left the room, giving an unladylike shout of frustration. Colin pulled Penelope to the dancefloor. He was giddy, now that Penelope was free of Portia's threats and soon to be his wife. Penelope was still in awe. In awe of Colin's relaxed aura, his happiness, his arms around her torso.

"You are incredible," she whispered.

"Not as incredible as you, my darling dove," he smiled, leaning down to kiss her forehead. 

"Thank you," she smiled, tears gathering in her eyes.

"I promised, Pen," he said more seriously, "I promised, to you, but to myself first. That, once I found you, I would never let you go. Even if the world crashed and burned, I would stay by your side. Always."

***

"Let's sneak out," Colin whispered, "Let me kidnap you."

Penelope looked at him with large eyes, looking around to see if there was anyone close. Eloise and Benedict were dancing together. Violet was taking congratulations on the engagement. And Colin was hiding Penelope from everyone who wanted to talk to Lady Whistledown. 

"Where?" she whispered, excited for the idea.

"To my house," he said, "we don't have to do anything, not even kiss. But I want to hold you close tonight. I just want you and me. I hate having to share your attention with so many people," as a gentleman was talking with Eloise, Anthony was there glaring at him. And Benedict, noticing the two lovers on the corner, made his way to them.

"What are you two scheming?" he laughed, noticing Colin's hand on her waist.

"Running away?" Colin offered. 

"My my," Benedict laughed, "go get the carriage while I dance with future Mrs Bridgerton. I will bring her in ten," he said, leading Penelope to the floor. 

"Watch your hands!" Colin hissed at his brother, watching him smirk as he held Penelope's hand. 

***

"Go!" Benedict said, helping Penelope into the carriage, "Try and avoid any scandals," he said, winking at them. Penelope blushed, while Colin was too content and excited now that he was alone with his lover. He pulled her to his lap, enjoying her weight on his legs, the tiny squeak she gave out.

"Finally," he smiled, "I thought I would die from not getting enough of you."

"You wouldn't," she giggled. 

"You don't know that, Penelope," he said, horrified, "You have no idea how much I need you and your pretty smile," he flirted, making the girl on his lap blush darker, pink colouring her full cheeks. 

"You are too charming for your own good," she giggled, smoothing the lapels of his jacket, "and mine, especially mine."

"I love when you blush for me," Colin confessed, "I love how beautiful you are. How responsive to my words, my touch you are," he said, squeezing her sides, pulling her closer to his chest. 

"Your mother is going to kill us, Anthony, too, if he won't die of rage first," she said.

"No one, especially Anthony, can take you away from me or me from you. If anything, we will run away to Scotland and get eloped, if that is okay for you, of course," he offered.

"I want a wedding," she said quietly.

"And I want nothing more than seeing you in a wedding gown, darling," he smiled, "and tear it from your gorgeous body later."

***

Colin's bachelor lodgings were smaller compared to the Bridgerton family house but still a gorgeous two-story house. Colin pulled Penelope after himself to his bedroom, making as little noise as he could. The moment he closed the door, she was pulled back into his arms, his lips attached to the bare skin of her neck. 

"Are you hungry, darling?" he whispered, "Thirsty? Is there anything you need?"

"No, Col," she said, breath hitching the moment his teeth sunk into the soft meat of her shoulders. 

"May I kiss you? Devour you, beautiful girl?" he asked; she nodded, her lips already reaching to his, in need of his taste, desperate to feel his warmth around her body. Colin's hands slid down her waist to her thighs, enjoying the supple flesh under his palms, despite the barriers of fabric separating them. His whole body itching to have more contact with hers. 

"My love," he whispered, "Will you allow me to see you in nude? We don't have to do anything that you are not comfortable with. We don't have to do anything at all, but I need to touch you, I need to hold you, and I hate this evil dress that does not allow my skin to meet yours."

"I am not," Penelope swallowed, "I am afraid I will disappoint you, Colin."

"What do you even mean, darling?" he asked, holding her chin and lifting it gently to meet her eyes. 

"I am not like other women. I am not thin and desirable."

"You might not be thin. I thank Gods that you are not like other women; you are my Penelope, my beautiful, unique woman. I would hate to have the same tastes like all the other men in the Ton; they are rather dull, aren't they? A bunch of vain and arrogant pricks, they are. Wouldn't you be upset if I was like them?" he asked, a kind smile on his lips, his eyes never leaving hers, "I love that you are curvier than them, prettier, smarter. I love you and everything you are, inside or out. As long as it is Penelope Featherington, as long as it is a part of my Penelope, I love it. Never doubt that. And about being desirable," he pulled one of her hands towards his chest, "Can you feel how fast my heart is beating? This is a heartbeat of a very desiring, wanting and, at this point, desperate man. And the subject of my desire, want, love, desperation is you, darling. I am dying to see you, hold you, kiss you all over. I don't care what your mother or any other idiot made you believe, but you are beautiful, Penelope. Being softer, rounder, bigger could only make you more beautiful as it is you."

"Help me with the dress," she said shyly. Colin collected the skirts of the dress, more of her creamy legs wrapped in silk stockings visible to him. He lifted the dress off her head, leaving her in stockings, underskirt and a corset. Her tits pushed up as if offering themselves to him. He used all his power not to stare at her chest, her soft, full chest. Goddess, he thought. 

"Turn around, my love," he said, the girl obeyed him, and he was left face to face with a soft back and round bottom. His shaky hands found the lacing of the corset, undoing them, loosening. Though the fabric did not restrain her torso much, there were angry red marks on her upper back and around her chest. A softer pink decorated her back and sides, the seam lines of the harsh fabric. The moment the shaping lingerie fell to the floor, Colin's hand cupped her tummy, pressing her half-naked for to his chest. 

"Will you allow me to take my clothes off, too?" he whispered, voice more intense. 

"I will be offended if you won't," she said. Moments later, both were nude as the day they were born. Colin's skin tad bit darker than hers, a curtesy of the Mediterranean sun. Colin could see how Penelope was trying to cover herself, shy and insecure. And he was determined to fix that before they exited this room. 

"Look at me, Penelope," he said, standing right in front of her, in all his naked glory. He was hard. He was aware that he was hard, and it was not the best time for it. But, when Penelope was right in front of him, naked, gorgeous, and he was merely a man, "You are beautiful," he said, "Even if you don't trust my words, I think you won't be able to ignore the honesty of my body's reaction, to you," he said, nodding to his member. She blushed even harder at that as she put an extreme effort not to stare at the very naked, strong and alluring Colin Bridgerton in front of her. 

"Do you really find me desirable?" 

"Oh, darling," Colin chuckled, "I never found any woman more desirable than you in my whole life. Now, will you let me touch you and worship you?"

***

It didn't take Colin long to assure Penelope of his love and lust for her. As every word rolling off his tongue, the timber, the tone of his voice made her insides tighten. Colin's primary mission was to explore her body and let her explore his. He wanted to know how soft her skin could get around her body, how would her flesh feel in his palms, how she would react to different touches around her body. And he wanted her to learn his body; he wanted her to be comfortable touching him and being touched by him. He knew Penelope was innocent and probably had a very limited opinion on what happened and could happen between a man and a woman. He was not in a rush; having Penelope by his side was enough. Penelope's presence was always more fulfilling than the company of any other woman in any other way. He knew at some point, he would be making love to her and will do it for the rest of his life. And that was enough. He did not need sex tonight, just Penelope. However, he wanted to make her feel pleasure tonight. He wanted to show her what was possible, how good he could make her feel. 

"Will you allow me to touch you?" he asked. She nodded, "But I want you to touch me, too," he smiled, "I won't take your innocence tonight, not unless you want to. Your virginity does not matter to me. I would be honoured to be the man being your first, but on our wedding day, it doesn't matter. We will make love whenever you are ready, before or after the wedding. I can wait, love. But, I want you to feel pleasure. I want you to understand how desirable and enjoyable your body is for both of us."

"I don't know how to touch you," she whispered shyly. Colin smiled at her, holding her hands in his.

"We can always start with a kiss and see where it will take us," he smiled, helping her onto the bed, shuddering the moment one of her tits made contact with his forearm. She was gorgeous, much shorter than him, which made her even more erotic, thinking her short limbs tangled with his enormous ones. Her middle soft, pudgy, begging him to run his hands around her torso, caressing, squeezing. Her tits were larger than he was used to, hanging freely down her chest, soft and creamy. Her waist dipped with a curve, her hips soft, love handles promising more passion later in their relationship, when she was ready, when she was used to having him inside her when being a tad bit rough would not hurt her delicate flesh. Colin almost groaned at the idea, and he could only imagine how good it would feel to be with Penelope, with the woman he was in love with. 

He pulled her hands into his chest, hissing the moment her hands made contact. Her touch was addicting, he wanted her all over, but she was so small. 

"Did I hurt you?" she asked worriedly.

"It is opposite of hurting, really," he smiled, "but I wouldn't oppose you hurting me, either, Pen. As long as it involves you and me, I am content with being in pain."

"Don't say such things, Col. I would hate to hurt you," she said, her hands sliding up his chest, to his neck and later to cup his jaw. Colin kissed her nose, smiling at her kindness. 

"Pain can be pleasurable," he winked at her. 

"Col," she smiled, blushing, "touch me."

And Colin's hands were fast, to find their place on her hip and cup one of her tits. Her breath hitched at his hold. No man has ever touched her like that. No one ever has felt her like that. 

"You are perfect," he whispered, caressing her skin, afraid to hurt her or make her feel under the pressure of giving more. Penelope's hands were running down Colin's broad shoulders, one exploring his back muscles, other firm on his chest, enjoying the warmth, the strength, the power radiating from the man in front of him. 

***

Penelope's lips ached from kissing, her skin warmer now, mixed with Colin's heat. Colin knew she was relaxed now, more comfortable and confident. Penelope loved his skin, his whole body. Colin was firm, lean and covered in muscles. His touch was magical. But touching him was even more so. 

"I have an idea," Colin whispered, "you can say no. You can always say no, darling."

"What is it, love?" she asked, running her hands through Colin's chestnut hair. 

"I want to give you pleasure," he said, kissing her round shoulder.

"I enjoy kissing you," she smiled.

"Oh, my innocent little girl," Colin smiled, "have you ever touched yourself here?" he asked, running his hands on her thighs, nodding towards between her legs.

"No," she blushed, she never dared; Portia's poison in her mind was too lethal.

"Will you allow me to?" he asked; she nodded shyly.

"I want to learn, Colin. I want you to teach me how to be desirable, how to make you feel good."

"Oh my love," Colin smiled, "you already are the most desirable woman on this planet. And trust me, neither I nor you will have any issues feeling good as long as we are together. Now, lay on your back, love," he said, kissing her to encourage her, "and let me start the lessons."


	13. Lesson 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT people, and a bit fluff at the end. 
> 
> Penelope's body was not thinwashed (as always) so beware. TW, as somehow it is offensive for women to have bellies and fat in places other than ass and tits for people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so we are clear:
> 
> So apparently once more people are mad at my Penelope descriptions because I don't just highlight her "beautiful" parts but also the ones that we were thought to be ashamed of and hate. Good! Any punch at society's idiotic standards on the female body is a win for me and all the people who are "unfortunately" do not that standard.
> 
> Just like Penelope, I am fat, chubby, plump, overweight, round, whatever you guys name it. And if I cannot hide my weight or belly or my whole fat body in my daily life why should I ignore or thinwash Penelope's? Why is any woman is forced to live with and hate her body in real life, while in fiction we are forced to hide, ignore and make it more "appropriate"? I would rather make people reading my descriptions uncomfortable if they will lead to making someone feel more at peace with their body.
> 
> You can hate me, you can hate my fics, or "what I am making out of Penelope". But please remember not everyone has body parts that are "proper" and lovely to read about. And making those invisible hurts real people, creating millions of problems like insecurity, body dysmorphia, depression, anorexia and other eating disorders.
> 
> I hope everyone finds comfort in their skin. And I hope you won't let society's idiotic standards that are designed to hurt everyone decides your worth or beauty.
> 
> I love all of you very much, no matter if you have the "plus-size" model's body or a plus-size person's body, or if you are in a healthy weight. Just don't forget that all bodies are gorgeous even if the ones that stay in shadows.

Colin didn't know how not to jump onto the woman laying in front of him. He also didn't know where to start. He wanted all of her. He wanted to be all over her. But he also was terrified of overwhelming her. Her red curls were sprawled over his pillow. She looked like a Roman goddess statue, the ones he had seen in Italy, tummy soft, tits relaxed, limbs shapely. The creamy skin much like their marble. However, none of those arts and gods had anything on Penelope. While they were immortal in their glory, Penelope was real and lively, right in front of him, in his bed, her smell lingering in his sheets. He would not let anyone wash those until they were married until he was sure her scent would be permanent in his bed. Until then, it would remain as the memory of tonight, to fill the Penelope shaped hole in his heart every night that he was forced to spend away from her. It would aid his dreams to be covered with Penelope, her face in his mind, and scent in his lungs. 

Colin ran his hands gently down her hips to her tighs. Grasping the delicate flesh, rubbing circles with his thumbs, to calm her down, to give her some time to get used to his touch. Penelope's hands were resting on her tummy, and Colin hated the fact that it was to hide her belly from his eyes. He bent down, hands still on her legs. Thank God for the height difference between them, as it allowed him to reach up to her chest. He pressed his lips to her sternum. He kept kissing lower, meeting the softness of her upper stomach, his chin touching one of her hands that were covering her middle. He knew if he asked her to move her hands, she either would protest or put them back the moment he kissed her all over her tummy. So he did what seemed most logical at that moment and bit her hand, not too hard, but hard enough for her to be shocked at the action. 

"Colin!" she gasped; he smirked at her surprised face.

"It will teach you, Miss Featherington, to never stand between me and your gorgeous body," he winked at her as she moved her hands, pressing them to her sides. It still was not good, he wanted those on him, but they would find their true place in no time. He kept kissing down her pooch. He knew where he wanted to go, but the lower he went, the more fidgety Penelope became, so he moved his lips to her upper thigs. He would go slowly; there was no rush. They had all the time in the world. 

As he kept hissing her hips and thighs, he moved her legs apart inch by inch, allowing her to get used to the new position and the idea of having him so close to a place so intimate. He moved his fingers first, caressing her outer lips slowly.

"Penny," he checked on her as he heard a sharp intake, "may I?" he asked. She nodded, all pink with a blush. 

"No one has ever touched me like this," she whispered.

"Are you comfortable with me touching you like this?" he asked. She nodded.

"It is not bad," she tried to explain, "just new."

"It is okay, darling," he smiled at her, "We will discover a lot of news from now on. Together."

He slipped a finger to her inner lips, enjoying to find them wet, holding his moan. It was about Penelope tonight, only Penelope. It would be only about Penelope until she was ready and comfortable with it being also about him. 

"You are wet, my love," he whispered, voice much deeper than a couple of minutes ago. 

"Oh?" Penelope questioned, not fully grasping the meaning of the word.

"It is a good thing," Colin smiled, pressing a kiss just above her belly button, "it means your body wants to mine and prepares itself for our love," he explained. 

"How does it?" she couldn't continue the question, suddenly shy.

"Do you know what exactly transpires between a man and a woman, my lovely girl?" he asked.

"Not really," she confessed. Colin crawled to sit next to her, careful with his hips as the girl was barely getting used to his hands all over her. She sat up a bit to get ready for the short lecture, understanding Colin wanted to take a small break to inform her, not to leave her in the dark. 

"This," Colin said, holding his dick in his hand, "is a penis. And this," he said, his hand slipping between her legs, finding her entrance, "is your vagina. Babies are made when a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina and releases it in her. It does not always end up with a baby, but this is how they are made."

"It surely won't fit," Penelope said, her eyes on Colin's dick she wanted to touch. But wasn't sure how to.

"Believe me, my love, when you want it to fit, it will," Colin smiled at her wonder.

"Can I touch you?" she whispered, barely audible.

"Tonight is about you, my darling," he said, pressing a kiss on her naked shoulder. 

"I don't want anything about me if it does not involve you," she said a bit bolder, "I don't know how to touch you," she pouted, her hand reaching to him, centimetres away. Colin guided her hand to himself, with shaking hands. 

"Like this," he said and gave a hiss as her skin made contact with his member.

"Does it feel bad?" she tried to move her hand.

"No, love," Colin moaned, "it feels amazing."

"What should I do?" she asked. Colin was too lost on her touch on him to ask her to lay back and let him touch her. He just wanted to give her everything she could ever want, and if it was touching him right now, she could touch him until his dick fell off. He gently coated his fingers in her juices, putting them onto his member. Penelope's eyes widened even more at his actions. 

"Just move your hands up and down, love," he begged; she nodded, doing exactly what was told. Penelope was an observant girl, and it didn't take long to understand what Colin liked and what drove him crazy. And after a while, Colin gave a strangled moan, his hands reaching to grasp her tit, squeezing. And in a couple of seconds, his dick twitched in her smaller hand, and he came, cum dripping down his stomach and her hand. It took Colin several minutes to collect his breathing. He just came right in Penelope's soft hands, his dick covered in her wetness. 

"Fuck, Pen," he moaned, "fuck, darling," he reached for a piece of fabric and cleaned both of them. 

"Did it feel good?" she asked, still in awe of seeing, hearing Colin's pleasure. Curious how it would feel to have him inside her. 

"Of, love," Colin flashed her a wicked smile, "Want to know how good it felt?" he asked, she nodded shyly. And it was all it took for him to push her into her back and find his place between her legs. Penelope giggled when his breath hit her lower belly. He pressed a loud kiss on her hip, moving lower, dropping several kisses across her plush inner thigs. He lifted her legs up his shoulders, her heels pressed on his lower back. Colin would stay right there all his life, if he could, only missing her lips on his occasionally. 

"What are you doing?" Penelope asked, excited, surprised.

"You, my darling Penelope," he said, "are my meal, and I am to devour you until you are happy and spent."

"You certainly cannot kiss there," she blushed, terrified of the idea.

"Oh, my lovely, innocent girl," Colis smiled, nudging her clit with his nose, earning a sharp gasp and a thrust of her hips, "there is not an inch of your body that I can't or won't kiss. And trust me, what I am planning to do to you is much more just merely kissing you there."

It didn't take long for Colin to make a moaning mess out of the redhead, one of his hands holding onto her arse, the other pressing her soft tummy down to keep her where he wanted her. He entertained the idea of pushing his fingers inside her tight core, but he decided against it, not to overwhelm her too much at once. And by the way, she was praying his name, the way her breath was hitching, he knew that decision was not an awful one. 

"Colin," she chocked, "something is happening."

"Let it, my love," he whispered, his breath teasing the sensitive nub between her legs even further, "I got you," he promised, giving her one long lick from her entrance to the clit, and attached his lips to suck on where she needed it the most. And it was the most beautiful sight, Penelope shaking under his face, her legs twitching, chest pushed up, tits spilling all over. Her pink mouth was slightly open. The moment he was sure she was down from her peak, he crawled to take his place next to her. He pulled her still twitching body into his arms, covering her nude form with a blanket to make sure she was warm and comfortable. He pressed several kisses all over her jaw and neck, helping her to gain her senses. 

"Did I die?" she whispered.

"Oh, darling, of course not," he smiled, "you just had your first orgasm."

"Does it always feel like this?"

"I hope it will," he smiled at her cheekily.

"Did I make you feel like that?" she asked, eyes wide in awe. He nodded, pulling her to himself, kissing her.

"You make me feel so good, in so many ways, my love."

***

Previously Colin thought waking up to Penelope was the best feeling in the world. But, now that he woke up to a naked Penelope pressed all over him, he knew that it couldn't even come close to this. Penelope was soft, it was clear from one look at her, but the softness of her flesh together with the silkiness of her skin made her even softer, more pleasant to touch, to hold. Her locks were even messier than before, a reminder of their activities last night. Colin could not wait for the wedding. Colin could not wait for Penelope to be his wife. He couldn't wait to make all the excuses in the world to keep her in the bed longer, to keep her in his arms, preferably without any annoying fabric separating them. 

He ran his hands down her back, enjoying the line of her spine, the softer parts of her back. He knew it was ungentlemanly, but it was too alluring. And before he could stop himself, his hand was cupping her bottom. It fit so good in his hand, round, soft, gushing. She, for sure, was to be his death. Never a woman felt this good in his hands. Never had just a glimpse of a woman make him want to go feral. 

"Oh, Penelope," he sighed, "how am I to stay sane when you are here like this?" 

"Morning," she said, still half asleep. She buried herself further into his body, pressing a kiss on his collarbone.

"Morning, gorgeous," he smiled, enjoying the comfort she found in his embrace. Enjoying the fact that he was the man she felt safe with, he was the one who was allowed to worship her. 

"Oh god," she whispered, sitting up suddenly.

"What is it, darling?" he asked, following her, leaning into her back and shoulders, soothing her, caressing her skin. 

"Your mother will kill me," she said.

"She loves you too much," he said, "she would probably kill me if needed. You are to be my wife, Pen, whenever you want to. And no one, including my family, is allowed to tear us apart."

"Col," she said, looking at him, "this is scandalous."

"Blame your curves for being scandalous," he smirked, squeezing her tummy softly, "If anyone believed, I wouldn't kidnap you at some point when you walk around like a sin. Their intelligence is to blame."

"People might think I trapped you," she said.

"No one will know," he promised, "And if anything, it is me who trapped you."

"You can have any woman you want."

"There is only one woman I want, and thank heavens she is willing to deal with me," he smiled.

***

It took some time to leave the bed. As every time Penelope tried to, she was pulled right back onto Colin's lap, his lips attacking hers. Penelope was pulling her corset over her head, Colin right behind her, half-dressed, helping her with the laces. 

"This is nearly not tight enough," she said. 

"Why to torture your delicious tits and make them too alluring to all the pricks," he said, kissing the centre of her back. He sighed at the glare she sent his way, tightening the laces. 

"It is a ball gown; people will talk," Penelope worried. 

"Then you won't be wearing it, love."

"My undergarments are not appropriate either, Colin," she huffed.

"I will stab every men's eyes before I let them see you almost nude, looking like an angel," he said, moving to the other side of the room, reaching for a large box on the top shelf. 

"What is that?" Penelope asked, following him. Colin opened the box, pulling out a sage green day dress made out of silk, "Oh," she whispered at the beauty of the dress. 

"I asked modiste to sew this after your first visit to her when you returned," he said, suddenly shy, "I know until last year, your awful mother, with her horrendous taste, tortured you with all those colours and dresses. And I always thought softer greens were your colours. I noticed you did not order one in this shade and wanted you to have it. Especially after she showed me the fabric, I knew it would look and feel amazing on you."

"You are such a beautiful man, Colin Bridgerton," she whispered, tears gathered in his eyes, looking at him as she cupped his cheek. Shy Colin was not a common occurrence, but it was not an unwelcomed one either. No matter how charming he was, Colin was much more inexperienced with women compared to many men in the ton. His passion was travel, the world itself, and his heart always beat for one particular woman, even if his mind needed some time to catch up. Thus, Colin did not seek female company, except for the incident with Marina. Courting someone, spoiling them was a new area for him. Courting Penelope made him want to perform flawlessly in his every action, as Penelope deserved the best and Penelope's opinions were the most important in his life. 

"I need to be worthy of you," he smiled. He helped her into the dress. Helping her to style her locks into an easy updo. 

The small morning he had with her made him fill with peace and serenity. He couldn't wait to do this every morning. He couldn't wait to do everything with her for the rest of his life. The beauty of the morning, however, was interrupted by a very angry Anthony waiting downstairs.

"You two," he said, "are getting married next week. And if you will even make a sound about it, I will drag you both to the altar."

"Will you be ready? We don't have to; Anthony likes to act scary," Colin assured his fiance on his arm.

"I want to marry you," she smiled shyly, "next week is perfect."


	14. Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone we missed is back!

What Colin forgot about marrying Penelope, especially on such short notice, was that his mother and the modiste practically kidnapped her from him. Though he never immensely enjoyed spending time on clothes, he enjoyed visiting the modiste with Penelope; seeing all that textures and colours, imagining Penelope spinning in his arms in them, was enough of a motivation for him. However, now that an emergency wedding gown was being prepared, Colin was banned from visiting the modiste. He, himself, had to focus on his wedding suit. An angry Anthony and amused Benedict were mostly accompanying him. 

"I can't believe you did that," Simon laughed in one of his rare visits to the tailor with them, "and I can't believe you helped them," he continued looking at Benedict.

"They are young, and in love, they deserve some alone time," the second eldest Bridgerton defended himself. 

"Not a scandalous one," Anthony said, glaring at both his brothers and his best friend, now another brother, "You could have ruined her reputation. And you would be assisting that. Haven't the poor girl suffered enough?"

"Her reputation is safe. She is marrying me," Colin said. He was aware of the risks; of course, he was. But he also had no intention to lose any chance to make Penelope a Bridgerton. Scandal or not, Penelope was to be his wife, and the whole Ton should mind their own business about it. 

"This is serious, Colin."

"I am not going to abandon her, Anthony," Colin challenged, "I know the roles are a bit reversed, but it is me who, though I admit shamefully, would ever try to trap Penelope, just to make sure she would be my wife. Nothing like that happened, but I cannot lie. If I were desperate, I would do anything I could to make it happen. I just wanted to have some time alone with Penelope."

"You have been with her for weeks. You couldn't have alone time with Penelope without risking a scandal?"

"When you will bring a lady to marry to this family, and your every other sibling and mother steals your alone time with her, I promise Anthony, and I will make sure Penelope and I become her closest friends and make you understand how you can't really have alone time without risking a scandal."

***

Meanwhile, Violet Bridgerton was gushing on her newest daughter. Penelope, in Violet's heart, was always a Bridgerton. And she would have to be bling to ignore how her third son always found his way to the redhead's side. Of course, being the third allowed him to grow up much slower than his first two did. Being close to age to Daphne, growing up with a sister also allowed him to be softer. Violet was thankful for Colin's kind and gentle nature, but his unhurried side drow her mad from time to time. 

"There shouldn't be any ribbon bows," Elosie said, watching as the modiste tried different shades of silk against Penelope's skin, "Pen is not a gift to be presented. And even if she was, Colin, for sure could never deserve her."

"El," Penelope giggled at the evil glare her best friend was sending to the various ribbons and laces.

"Leave your brother alone," Violet said, "And I imagined a more lacy design for her wedding dress, especially after the stunt these two pulled. It is clear it is more appropriate for their mood."

Penelope blushed at the sly remark she received from her mother-in-law but couldn't deny the appeal of a dress covered in lace rather than various bows and ribbons. The exaggerated accessories reminded her too much of her mother and her taste in dresses. 

"This one," Penelope nodded at the latest fabric the modiste held against her chest, ivory silk. The woman smiled at her choice, enjoying how it stood against her soft skin. She already had an idea to flow the fabric down the girl's thick curves. They just needed to find the matching silk, and she would be the most angelic bride. 

"Are you sure you want to marry Colin, Pen?" Eloise asked, holding her hands in hers, "I could always kidnap you; Daphne and the Duke would hide us."

"Eloise Bridgerton," Violet scolded, "you are not to utter such thoughts ever again. Heavens know how long I have been waiting for Colin to come to his senses and make Penelope an official Bridgerton. Even if I haven't, Colin would murder you and take his wife back from you. My boy is smitten," she smiled.

"He is obsessed and possessive," Eloise huffed. 

"He is in love," Violet said softly, "intensely, as he realised how in love he has been with Penelope for years, just a couple of months ago. Imagine years worth of emotions crashing into you in a short time."

"You really think Colin was in love with me?"

"Oh my dear," Violet smiled, moving to rest a hand on her shoulder, "I know my son has been awful at showing his emotions till a couple of months ago. But, even when he tried to pursue Marina, he was attracted to you. However, as you know, Colin is sadly not the brightest when it comes to his emotions. However, in every ball, in every event, he somehow always found his place next to you, danced with you."

"You told him to dance with me," Penelope said softly.

"Just once," Violet smiled, "Once, after noticing how every time you entered a room, he noticed. His eyes always found you, never left you unattended for too long, always checked to see you were there and okay. He just needed a little push, a little encouragement, and when I told him to ask you for a dance, he couldn't stop. I never repeated my request, just once, and it was enough for the rest of the balls. But, it was more his reactions to you than his actions towards you."

"What do you mean?" Penelope was confused; Colin always was kind to her. However, overall, Colin was one of the kindest men she has ever seen. 

"Not in a single dance with any other lady, including the one he thought he should marry, did he smile like he did when he danced with you. Though it is much vulgar to mention in the company of my very unmarried daughter, Colin always looked at you with passion, Penelope, with lust," Violet laughed at Penelope's darkening blush, "how scandalised I felt every time he licked his lips after looking at you for too long, darling girl. I believe the lust he felt towards you is one of the reasons he tried to hide behind Marina."

"Colin was an idiot," Eloise huffed, "and nothing excuses what he did with Marina."

"My dearest daughter," Violet smiled, "you will learn soon enough that men are very ignorant and blind when it comes to real emotions. And to feel that much love at that young age must have terrified your brother, especially since Penelope was already such an essential part of our family. He probably was terrified of his feelings and doing something wrong that could make him lose her friendship," she sighed, "but now all it is is history. And in a week, we have a wedding."

***

Penelope was enveloped in two strong arms the moment she entered her room. She would be scared if the chest she was pressed in were not this familiar, with the cologne that made her lose her mind a little. 

"My love," Colin groaned, burying his face into her hair. Her hands found their place on his chest, caressing the lapels of his jacket. 

"Hello, darling," she smiled, meeting his lips halfway, as he pulled her into a kiss.

"I missed you," he smiled, rubbing down her spine.

"I always miss you, Col," she smiled. He pulled her into the bed, taking off his jacket and waistcoat, encouraging her to rest against his chest, as he had an arm around her, rubbing her side—one of her hands resting against his ribs, his free hand covering it. 

"What did you do today, my lovely girl?" he asked, pressing a kiss to her head.

"We choose fabrics for the gown," she said.

"Was it more fun without me?" he teased.

"You know it brings unluck," she said, "And you also were busy with the tailor."

"The only unluck me seeing you in your wedding dress could bring is the risk of me tearing it off your gorgeous body before the wedding happens."

"You haven't even seen the dress," she scolded.

"But I have seen the gorgeous body," he smirked back, enjoying the red painting her cheeks, "I love you, darling," he smiled, pressing airy kisses all over her head, soothing her burning cheeks. 

"I love you, too, Col," she mumbled, hiding her face in his chest.

"Are you tired, love?" he asked, rubbing her back, soothing her into the dreamland.

"A nap sounds good," she smiled.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked, too comfortable with her in his arms but still wanting to make sure she felt okay with it. 

"Never," she mumbled, "you are so warm and make such a good pillow," she said, curling even further into his body, the skirts of her dress tangling between their legs, her soft chest pressed against his side. Colin pulled her a bit closer to make sure she really was warm. 

"That is why you are marrying me, isn't it, Miss Featherington?" he smiled, "That I provide heat and am functional as a pillow?"

"I also love you very much," she mumbled, asleep now.

"You have no idea how much I love you, Pen," he sighed, "No idea."

***

Penelope was in her wedding dress, enjoying the feeling of soft silk against her skin. The modiste was careful of her body type and how Penelope held herself in dresses, highlighting the curves and dips, bettering the insecurities. She had no doubt Mr Bridgerton would have a hard time keeping his hands off his bride, and she was not to blame for being generous of the decolletage cut to tease the groom. 

"You look gorgeous, Pen," Eloise gushed at her best friend, "I wish you married someone you deserved instead of pitying my idiot of a brother."

"Sibling rivalry," Violet scoffed, tucking a wild curl that escaped Penelope's updo. 

"We are going to be sisters now, El," she smiled, knowing well it would distract her from insulting her husband-to-be in a couple of minutes. They were distracted by a knock on the door, Daphne with her heavily pregnant belly, entered first.

"Everyone is decent," she called, and the tall figure of the Duke was revealed behind her. He gave a soft smile to the young woman in the wedding gown.

"There is someone who wants to see you, Pen," Simon smiled, 

"I swear if it is Colin," Violet began but was interrupted with soft bark. And the tiny terrier ran inside to Penelope.

"Oh, Milo!" Penelope said, sinking down to her knees, "Hello, good boy, I missed you so much," she smiled, scratching his soft fur. 

"I thought you would like him to attend your wedding," Simon said smoothly, helping the girl up while Eloise went to cuddle the puppy, gushing over him, "Are you ready?" Simon asked. He was to walk her down the aisle as her family was not in attendance. She nodded at the taller man. Excited, anxious, but much happy. 

***

Colin still had tears in his eyes as Penelope was pressed to his chest as they danced slowly. Their first dance as a married couple. Penelope looked like a fairy, an angel. And finally, she was a Bridgerton. Colin did not know what overwhelmed him more, knowing she was his wife now or how gorgeous she was. He pressed his lips to her forehead as his hands rested far lower than this dance required, holding tight onto her hips. 

"Promise me this is not a dream, Pen," he murmured into her hair; the woman in his arms gave him a soft giggle, hand lifting from his shoulder to cup his jaw. 

"I promise," she smiled, her own tears wetting her cheeks. Colin bent down to capture her lips in a gentle kiss, aware that his whole family was watching. 

***

Penelope and Colin planned to spend a week at one of the Bridgerton country houses and then travel to France. Colin insisted on spending some time with his new bride before having limited privacy on the road. The moment the carriage door closed, Penelope was pulled onto Colin's lap, a familiar practice now. His hands shamelessly finding their place on her legs under her skirts, the warmth of her flesh and smooth of the silk, making his head spin. Penelope, now more confident with Colin's body, had her arms wrapped around his broad shoulders. Fingers pushed into his soft hair, pulling his head closer, kissing him, grinding on him.

"Just a couple of hours, Penelope," Colin promised, "I promise you, darling, I will make you see the stars, the whole universe."


	15. Lesson 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT
> 
> I mean you can kinda guess as it is the wedding night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I talk about this issue A LOT. But this time this was triggered not only by the comments I receive but some other writers and artists who describe/draw Penelope as a slim woman. 
> 
> I don't think people realise how insulting it is to describe/draw/picture/etc a fat woman as a slim one. How they send a message of "You aren't a romance/main character/sex worthy woman if you are fat and have rolls, etc. You just are not anything but a stereotype as long as you are fat. Lose some weight or lose your unattractive parts AND THEN you can have those." 
> 
> Now coming to the comments about my descriptions of Penelope, just be aware that every time you "get offended" by the words "fat, overweight, plump, whatever" you are finding someone's body and size offensive. You can hate me, you can hate my writing, you can hate my body, and that is okay it would be your problem with me. But before telling me how awful I am for how "badly and ugly" I describe Penelope, look at how you are reacting to someone's weight and shape. And that anger goes far beyond me. The beauty standards we are being forced to accept even hurt people with "healthy" (fat people can be healthy, standard weight people can not be healthy, this is a whole other issue and stereotyping) suffer because of these standards and develop mental issues and eating disorders. Thus, even if this is getting annoying for you (this discussion and my notes) I can't not do this, because it affects real people, every day. And even if I can make one person feel a bit better about their bodies, that is a win for all of us. 
> 
> I know a fat woman, who is not just thick but also has all the "nasty parts", as the main character of a romance fic is not conventional, but fat women/men/people do exist and have love/business/sex/daily lives. 
> 
> Please do think about the consequences of your words and reactions (not only at ao3 but every aspect of your life) on people who might not be in the same situation as you and vulnerable to such comments. I know that vulnerability because it took me a month to get over when a newsreader's comment on Vogue's plus size cover triggered me. Just a small sentence might drive a person into a very bad place, and it is in your hands to not hurt people.

"Are you hungry?" Colin asked as he was pulling Penelope after himself upstairs. The girl gave a soft no.

"Thirsty?" she once again said no, "Amazing," he said, giving her a flashy smile and pulling her into the room he was looking for. He pushed her against the closed door, leaning down to press his lips to hers. The sigh Penelope gave into his mouth was enough to make him giddy all over. Her arms wounded themselves around his shoulders. She was standing on her tiptoes to reach him. Colin's hands found her bottom, lifting her up, holding her up with his hips against the wall.

"Colin," she giggled, being lifted up to his height.

"I love you, wife," he whispered, barely able to tear his gaze from her bruised lips. 

"I love you, too," she smiled, leaning in kissing him back. 

"Are you ready for your second lesson?" he asked, mischief and hunger gleaming in his eyes. 

***

Penelope once again found herself bare in front of Colin. The room was well lightened, both their bodies fully visible to each other. She couldn't tear her eyes away from Colin's broad chest. The man radiated strength and comfort. All she wanted to do was to crawl onto his lap, curling against his chest, soaking in his warmth. However, there was a second want, almost a need, deep inside her. The familiar hunger Colin fed just a couple of days ago. The ache between her legs, the need for a touch a tad bit of friction. She didn't know how to tame that hunger, she didn't know what she needed exactly, but she knew Colin was the only person in this world who could do something about it, who could end this agony, bring her to paradise. 

Meanwhile, Colin was drinking in every detail of his wife's body. How she was sitting on her knees between his legs, her tummy in rolls curling gently, her thighs pressed against each other soft and milky, her breasts spilling down her chest begging to be cupped by his hands. Even before Colin knew he was in love with Penelope Featherington, now Bridgerton, he knew he loved her hair. He never had a particular obsession with any colour of hair or skin; they all were beautiful to him. What he enjoyed the most about Penelope's hair was how practical they were. The girl was awfully short compared to the majority of the Ton, and it was easy to lose her or not being able to find her in a crowded ballroom. However, her hair, that distinct ruby on her head, made it easy to see her and run to her. Thus, Penelope's hair being so Penelope, was always something Colin enjoyed, for allowing him to spend more time with her. But now, it didn't matter how practical, visible, easy-to-find her hair made her. Now, the only thing that mattered was how it contrasted her porcelain skin, how it curled down her round shoulder, teasing the teardrop of her tit. 

"I will never get tired of this," Colin whispered, pulling Penelope to straddle his thighs. His cock pressed against his stomach as Penelope's bum rested on his thighs, "Having you, bare as the day you were born, right in my arms. Such a gorgeous woman," he whispered, pulling her even closer, enjoying how her lukewarm skin met his heated one, her arms tight around his neck, his around her back. 

"Col," she moaned into his lips, "I need you," she whispered, not even fully aware of what she needed this desperately. She just knew it was Colin; it only could be Colin, as it always was him. Colin's fingers rushed to feel between her legs, caressing her already wet entrance.

"Oh, Pen, you are so wet," he groaned, his dick twitching between them, "Do you want thin, my Penelope?" he asked, caressing her bum softly.

"I want everything with you, Col," she moaned, rubbing herself on his fingers. 

"It will feel uncomfortable at first," Colin said, helping the girl onto her back, enjoying the scarlet halo around her beautiful face. He parted her legs gently, resting them on his thighs. Her lips were already shining with arousal. He bent down to capture her lips in a searing kiss, one hand firm on the curve of her shapely waist. The other rubbing on her clit gently, preparing her, relaxing her. Her hands were eager to touch his warm skin. One was gentle on his chest, playing with the soft hair covering his sternum. The other was discovering the muscles of his back, enjoying the firmness under her hands. 

"Are you ready?" Colin breathed the excitement, lust clear on his voice; his usually bright eyes darkened with want. Penelope nodded.

Colin was careful; in no rush, he pushed his tip slowly inside her. Penelope's breath hitched in her throat. Such an unfamiliar feeling, a sudden invasion, right into her core. She never imagined she could have anyone this close to her, joined to her, right inside her. But Colin's invasion wasn't over. Inch by inch, Colin found his place inside her. Fully inside, his balls were resting against the curve of her arse. All Penelope could give out was a small "oh," her hands gripping onto Colin's arse, pulling him even closer. She felt full. She felt complete. There still was a burning want inside her, but this was incredible. Having Colin so close, being one with him. 

"Did I hurt you, my love?" he whispered, pressing kisses down her neck, inhaling the sweet, intoxicating smell of his wife. Penelope was tight and soft and warm. Penelope was a goddess, and he had no idea how on earth was he so lucky to call her his wife. First time in his life, reaching his heights was not the goal of sex. The first time in his life was he making love. And he would be able to do this with her for the rest of their lives. 

"It is," she stopped, to think, "An unusual stretch, but it is not pain," she decided. It was hard to think when Colin was this close. It was hard to think when she was desperate for him to do something, something she didn't know what, something she needed badly.

"Tell me when you are ready," he said, "No rush, love. We have all the time in the world."

"I need something; I don't know what," she moaned, shifting her hips, making both of them groan. Colin pulled out tenderly, making Penelope whine in loss, but before she could complain, he pushed back. 

"Like this?" he grinned at the loud moan she gave. 

"Yes," she begged, gripping tighter on his bottom.

"Did you feel any discomfort?" he asked, and she shook her head furiously. It was enough for Colin to repeat his motion, his thrusts becoming faster with every sob of pleasure Penelope gave him. The moment he felt himself getting close, his fingers found her clit, lips the sensual spot on her neck. And the moment she began shaking in his arms, her walls crushing him, he came inside her with a groan. 

Colin's face was tucked in Penelope's neck, his arm around her belly; he was still inside her. Her chest was still rapidly moving after the orgasm Colin gave her. 

"Does it always feel this good?" Penelope whispered. She knew Colin was not as much of a rake compared to his older brothers, but it was clear he had some. No man was this capable with a female body unless a woman taught him how to be. 

"Never this good," Colin said, kissing her shoulder.   
  
"Why not?" she was confused.

"Because it wasn't with you before," he said honestly. His words made her blush darker than all the activities they engaged in before and now. Never was Penelope told how much she was wanted and adored this openly.

"Let me clean you up," Colin said, making both of them hiss when he pulled out of her soft flesh. 

"Oh, I can," Penelope was to object but was stopped with a single look from her husband. 

"You, wife," Colin said, "just had your first lovemaking. The number does not really matter, love. You are my wife, and I am to, always, take care of you. Especially after an activity like this, when you need your rest," he smiled—returning with a wet towel and a glass of water. After helping her drink it, he carefully cleaned her sensitive flesh. 

"Come back," Penelope said, already under the covers. Colin smiled and moved to her side. It didn't take long for Penelope to curl into him, enjoying how warm he was. 

"I think I like being married to you," Penelope said, her eyes already closed. Colin pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, tucking her head under his chin.

"You think?" he asked happily. 

"I know," she smiled, her lips curling against his collar bone. 

"I like being married to you, too, Penelope Bridgerton," he smiled, letting himself fall asleep, aware that his wife was right by his side and happy. 

***

Penelope woke up to the feeling of lips. A pair of full lips dancing across her naked back, a warm breath hitting her spine, two large hands holding onto her hips. At first, it was somewhat surprising; being used to waking up alone, and not having much love for her body, feeling someone's love and adoration in such a physical way was unusual. Then Colin's familiar smell surrounding her and the ache between her legs made her remember. Remember yesterday, how he promised to love and cherish her until his last breath, how he kissed her right in front of his, now theirs, family. She remembered how he pulled her into his lap, not afraid of or sour about her weight, how he pulled her after himself into the gorgeous country house, right into the master bedroom, and how he taught her what happens between a man and a woman, how he gave her the most exquisite pleasure, not only a mindblowing orgasm but also the closeness, being one with him. She sighed with happiness; the first time in her life, Penelope was fully content. Not afraid of being herself, not embarrassed about having her body, not alone or lonely, loveless. 

"Good morning, wife," Colin murmured, his voice hitting her skin, making her giggle. 

"Good morning, husband," she said, turning around to meet his soft gaze and messy hair. She never really saw Colin without his hair styled, and now she was sad about all the missed opportunities as her husband looked so handsome with his chestnut mane all over his head. Colin was quick to pull her to himself and kiss her a good morning. Penelope moaned in his mouth, her fingers finding their place on his cheeks, loving how his newly grown stubble felt against her palms. 

"I want to wake up like this, every morning," Colin whispered to her lips, "With you, by my side, naked if possible," she blushed at his sly remark. Being this comfortable with her body was such a foreign notion, but somehow Colin's mere presence made it possible, made it real. She still was in awe of this effect he had on her, as before. Just the thought of dancing with Colin would fill her heart with fear of Colin noticing how she was soft, too soft for a debutante lady. It was so different now, with his lips and hands being all over her, with his eyes darkening with lust the moment they hit her body. She couldn't stop her heart from missing a beat and blood filling her cheeks when she thought of his other bodily reactions at her nude form. 

"I would love that, too," she said shyly. 

"What would my dear wife like to do on this beautiful day?" he asked, drawing little shapes on her bare tummy with his fingertips. 

"Can we not start the day for a bit longer?" she asked, "I would love to just lay with you some more."

"Excellent idea, Pen," he smiled, pulling her into a more comfortable position, "Let me tell you what I planned for our honeymoon in France."


	16. A New Start

The following days were quite similar. Colin would wake his wife with kisses, peppered all over her soft body. Just waking up with her soft body pressed against his was enough of a motivation to make the day even better by pulling her under his body. He would kiss her all day, no matter how many times they both were left breathless, how many times they scandalised a maid, how many times it lead to much-heated lovemaking, it wasn't enough. Colin knew he already lost time that he could spend with Penelope. He was at fault for that, but he knew he also could make up for it by worshipping her every moment they were awake and hold her close every night. 

He discovered that watching Penelope read as he wrote in his journals was his new favourite thing. She was distracting for sure; it took him thrice more time to finish his writing as he got lost watching how her chin doubled as she read lower parts of the page, how her ginger brow furrowed when the book got too intense, how her skirt lifted a bit as he curled into herself and allowed him a glimpse of her lush thighs. The moment he closed the journal, he found his way to her side. He would pull her shorter legs to rest on his thigs; he would push her shoes off her tiny feet, rubbing them softly, tickling her when her face changed into a more serious look. It wouldn't take long for his hands to find their path under her skirts, massaging her calves, rubbing her knees, squeezing her thigs, and when she would squirm enough to let him know the book no longer held her focus, he would crawl under her skirts, to eat her out. 

Penelope never knew it was possible. She knew something intimate passed between a man and his wife, but she never even could imagine the things Colin taught her were possible. There wasn't an inch of skin that Colin's lips and tongue did not touch on her body. He did not only discover her body all over; he helped her to discover her own body; she had since birth. Penelope never thought much about her body. She never liked it. She knew her mother hated her body most as she was not as thin and tall as her sisters. She had too many soft spots and weighed too much for a lady. Colin, however, had a much different idea of her body than the ones her mother forced into her. The way his body reacted to hers, the way his eyes would drink her all in, his words of lust and love were enough to show her that her mother was wrong. She was desirable by a gentleman. She could find a husband without trapping him. She could have love. The one thing Penelope was so thankful for Colin was that he was not a silent man and explained his points and opinions without any shame. After being trapped in her mother's opinion on her physical appearance, Colin's was refreshing. The miracle of it was not that it made her body more beautiful just because he said so, but he showed her that her mother's hate on her body was not facts, and female body had various shapes and sizes. His gorgeous eyes darkening the moment she took her dress off was a huge confidence booster. However, it was his warm and firm touch on her that grounded her.

"Hello, dear wife," she heard, as she was watching the rain outside one evening, her husband's strong arms wrapped around her torso, his chest pressing onto her back. She giggled as his fingertips tickled her sides softly. It was something she noticed that Colin loved to make her laugh, be it tickling, jokes or just twirling her around. He rested his head on top of her ruby curls, swaying them both softly side to side, humming a soft rhythm under his breath. Penelope's hands found their place on top of his that was resting on her tummy. 

"Are you ready for travelling tomorrow?" he asked. It was their first trip together. She was excited; she never left the country and barely travelled by ship. Penelope was not worried, though, even without Colin's expertise in travelling, his mere being was enough to calm her nerves down in any situation. 

"I am," she promised.

"You will love France," he promised, "You might not have much chance to see it, unfortunately."

"And why is that?" she asked.

"My darling dearest beautiful wife," he said, turning the girl in his arms to face him, he lifted her face by her chin softly, "Do you really think I will not be as attentive and in love with you in France than I am here? Do you really believe I won't spend all my time between your gorgeous thighs? Making love to you? Making you see the stars?"

"Oh," Penelope blushed as Colin's lips found hers. Colin was swift to lift Penelope by her hips, sitting her on the cabinet next to them. He was fast to slip between her legs, to get closer to her, to kiss her deeper. 

"Exactly," he said, peppering kisses across her neck and collarbones, "France is beautiful, food is divine. But nothing," he said, biting her neck softly, "nothing, my lovely Penelope, can be more beautiful than you are, taste more divine than your lips, your skin, your tight little cunt. Not a country, not a painting, not the bloody stars in the sky."

"Why are we changing countries then?" she gasped as he sucked a hickey on her marble skin.

"I would love to feed you some crepes, cheese and wine," he said, between kisses, "Maybe we can have some trips to see the scenery. We still will have our carriage rides," he winked at her. 

"Col," she moaned when his lips found the most sensitive spot on her neck.

"Yes, darling," he smiled.

"Take me to bed," she begged. 

"Why not here, darling?" he asked, squeezing her hips, "Do you really want to wait until we go upstairs?"

"Someone can see," her breath hitched as Colin's hands bunched skirts around her hips.

"Let them," Colin smirked. As long as he was in her, he didn't give a shit. His body was wide enough to cover her curvaceous one. And he gave no shits if someone saw his bare arse.

"Colin," she moaned, feeling his breath caress her delicate skin, "Oh, love," she moaned.

"Let it go, love," he smiled, watching her jaw fall slack as he pinched her clit, "Just like that sweet girl."

"Oh," her breath hitched as the pleasure took her whole body. Her husband kept peppering her shoulders with tiny kisses as she calmed down from her pleasure, "Col," she said, lifting her eyes to meet his heated gaze. It was times like this that he worried about his heart. When she lifted her azure eyes, lips darkened from his kisses, mouth parted, cheeks coloured in a teasing blush. It was times like this he knew Penelope could be his doom if she wanted to. She could end him with a simple look thrown at him, and he would be thankful. He still would be calling her name like a prayer. 

"Anything Pen," he said, "Anything you want, it is yours."

"I need you," she said, her hands curling on his shirt, "Please."

"Oh, darling," he said, groaning as her hands slipped down his stomach, pulling down his slacks. All Colin could do was gripping onto her plush thighs harder. Her hands were so small, so delicate. Her touch was maddening. Colin was at her mercy. Her soft touch cupped her stiff member, rubbing it just like he taught her how to. Her thumb was massaging his leaking tip. She softly parted her legs wider, pulling him closer.

"Please," she whispered. It didn't take anything else for Colin to slowly thrust into her heat. Her hands were holding onto his broad shoulders as he were on her hips, pushing into her in a slow, tantalising rhythm. He should have married her earlier. He should have been smarter, braver. He felt her walls crushing him as she once again shook in his arms. He pulled out before he would spill himself into her. Though the first night he did cum inside his gorgeous wife and the feeling of it, the view of his seed spilling out her tight entrance was a view he would burn for. However, he was not ready yet. He was not ready to share her with anyone yet, even if it was their own child. He found a handkerchief to clean her thighs and cunt. He leaned down to press his lips to hers. 

"You are a goddess, Pen," he said, rubbing her back as her torso rested against him, "Fuck, I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Col, so much."

***

Colin helped Penelope into the carriage, climbing right after her. It was half a day travel to the port and then to France. He purchased tickets at a cruise ship that took the long way. The compartment he booked was on the luxury side, which would give them the privacy they needed with a gorgeous view of the sea. He wanted to show her the world. He wanted to provide her with everything and anything her heart could desire. He sat beside her, pulling her under his arm, enjoying how well she fit against her body, her soft curves against his lean form. 

"You look so giddy," she said, looking up, cupping his jaw with her free hand, sliding her finger down the length of his jawbone. He was so handsome, she sighed, drinking in the boyish looks of her husband. Now that he was excited, eager to travel, he glowed. He leant down to press a tiny kiss on the tip of her nose. 

"I am kidnapping my beautiful wife," he smiled, "you are mine only for the next couple of weeks. And God, all the things I plan to do to you."

"We will have to return to London, and you know that right?" she asked, smiling, knowing well Colin dreaded returning to London, where all his siblings, especially Eloise. He usually loved having all his siblings, sharing everything he had with them, spending time with them. But this was Penelope, the love of his life, his darling wife. And Eloise was a thief when it came to Penelope. He stole her and kept her apart from Colin.

"Hush, wife," he said, "I will kidnap you to another country then. There are many in the world, all ours to discover."

"I would love that," she said, blushing softly. The idea of exploring the globe with Colin by her side sounded like a dream, too good to be true. He cupped her hand in his, bringing it to his lips, pressing kisses across the marble of her skin, teasing her wrist, lingering around her pulse. 

"I know," he smiled, though much limited by society Penelope was as a woman; now, it was not just her or him. They were their own little family and could do anything they wanted. Together. And no one could say a thing about it. Well, except his family, who probably would complain a lot not only of his absence but also accusing him of kidnapping Penelope. He would have to deal a lot with the letters and scoldings, but he had Penelope, and that was enough. 

***

The ship was gorgeous, and Penelope awed at it. Colin offered her his arm, helping her climb the stairs. Their luggage was already on the boat. 

"It is huge," she said.

"Excited, darling?" he asked, and she nodded. It didn't take them long to find their compartment. Colin already had the keys in his hands, opening its door. It was smaller than his regular lodgings but quite generous for a ship compartment. With a small bathroom, a living room and a bedroom with a large bed. 

"The things I will do to you, here," he mumbled as Penelope walked to the small window of their compartment. She barely heard him as she was on her tiptoes to see outside. Colin couldn't hold his chuckle at sight. His round curved, tiny wife was barely reaching the window. Colin approached her to grasp her waist, to give her the boost she needed. 

"You are such a stunning petite creature," he said as he glanced outside to see the endless blue, matching the colour of her eyes. 

"I know I am awfully short," she said, slapping his hands on her tummy lightly, asking him to let her down.

"Not awfully," he objected, "I quite like your height, just like every other thing about you. It is alluring, erotic, even," he said, pulling her into his arms, cupping her bum gently, "I like the height difference between us. I love how well you fit against me."

"The difference is not solely my fault, husband," she said, looking up at him cheekily, "You also are awfully tall." 

"We fit rather well, don't you think?" he asked, rubbing down her spine.

"We do," she nodded. Feeling like her heart would burst at how much she loved it, being with Colin, loving Colin, being loved by Colin, fitting perfectly with Colin. 

***

Colin loved helping Penelope dress and undress, as it would make travelling harder, and they already did not need her help much with how obsessed Colin was with doing everything with his wife; they didn't take a lady's maid with them. Colin had already mastered the skill of helping her into corsets and dresses, and with Penelope's help, he managed to do her hair. He was yet to learn more complicated styles, but simple updos and braids were within his skills. 

After having a light dinner and with a bath prepared, Colin was behind Penelope, undoing the tiny buttons holding her dress together. The dress fell down her curves smoothly, pooling around her ankles. He undid the laces of her corset. Enjoying her satiny flesh free of its cover. He ran his hands down her side, his breath hitching at the curve of her back and plumpness of her arse. Before he could get lost in the milkiness of her skin, she turned to face him, leaving him with a more breathtaking view. Her soft tits spilling down her chest, resting against her plump upper stomach. Her fingers worked on his waistcoat then his shirt, pushing them down his shoulders. She barely was reaching his chest. Penelope was too distracted by the firm plates of his chest before he could reach his slacks. Her touch ran down the soft hair covering his chest, teasing his sternum, to his stomach, caressing his hipbones. She worked on the ties of his slacks, letting it fall down. Both of them naked as the day they were born. He would love nothing more than pushing her on the bed, climbing onto her, pushing into her heat. But he knew she was too tired and deserved a break. They had all the time in the world to get lost in each other's bodies. Today was about resting, enjoying each other's presence.

"Come, love," he said, softly helping her into the tub before climbing to sit behind her in the warm water. He washed her hair gently, enjoying the ruby curls soft under his palms. Penelope was simply enjoying her husband's gentle touch, the way he took care of her all over. She always knew Colin was an attentive man, a gentle man, a carer. She watched him play and take care of the youngest Bridgertons hundreds of times. She knew he had a big heart, endless patience and caring nature. However, she never thought she could be this lucky to be the main receiver of his love. 

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, massaging her scalp, "You look quite dreamy."

"You," she smiled, turning a bit to look at him, "you are a wonderful man Colin. And I am the luckiest woman in this universe to be your wife."

"It is me who is lucky, Pen," he said, "Lucky that you are kind and forgiving, even though I have been a colossal idiot who hurt you so many times in the last years." 

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think!


End file.
